Yesterday I got an email from Subway informing me that they had come out with a new sandwich called Orchard Chicken Salad. I love chicken salad sandwiches. I love them so much that I had chicken salad sandwiches at the baby shower for my daughter several years ago, and they were delicious. Now, I was skeptical about Subway’s interpretation of a good chicken salad because Panera Bread already has one, and it’s fucking delicious!

The Napa Almond Chicken Salad sandwich at Panera is outstanding. It’s on this amazing sesame semolina bread, and it’s simple. There is the chicken salad mixture, some green leaf lettuce, and they normally put tomatoes on but I always ask for them off. Either way, for almost a year now, whenever I go to a Panera Bread, that is a sandwich I have to get. Last night Chris and I went to do a couple of errands (we desperately needed some weed killer FYI) so we went to the Target north of town at the River Park shopping center. After that I had to make a decision. Either go with something I already knew was outstanding, or try the new Subway sandwich and make it a true gamble. Since I had a $15.00 coupon for Borders, and Borders is right around the corner from Subway (whereas the Panera Bread location would warrant moving parking spaces), I decided on Subway.

I ordered their Orchard Chicken Salad sandwich as a footlong, since it’s one of their special $5.00 ones, and I had it on 9 grain wheat bread. Already the Subway version was inferior to Panera because they lacked the delish sesame semolina bread. Anyways, the guy behind the counter looked puzzled as I requested only the chicken salad and lettuce to be on the sandwich. That’s the way that I get it from Panera, so that is how I was going to have it at Subway. I didn’t think that black olives, cucumbers, oil, salt, pepper, and pickles would be appropriate for my sandwich.

Some of the main differences are ingredients. The Napa Almond Chicken Salad mixture has red grapes, celery, chicken, almonds, and their special dressing, which is actually a light olive oil base compared to the standard mayo. The Orchard Chicken Salad mixture has cranberries, golden raisins, diced red apples, celery, diced chicken, and the mayo dressing. While the golden raisins were nice, I really missed the grapes. To me, it made a big difference. Also, I found the apples in the Orchard Chicken Salad sandwich to be really blah, like they lacked the proper flavor, and had almost a softened water chestnut texture. Not appealing.

As I opened the wrapping to my sandwich, I noticed that there wasn’t a lot between the bread, which was sad because the bread to filling ratio at Panera is wonderful. When I got a few bites in, I knew right then that the Subway sandwich came nowhere close to the deliciousness I wanted. The chicken salad was a little bland. It lacked the proper salty and sweet. The lettuce was iceberg and shredded, giving no flavor and a strange texture, and the bread just didn’t fit. Next time I go to Subway, I will just stick to what I normally get – a turkey sandwich. There are just certain things a company shouldn’t try, and for Subway, it’s attempting to create a chicken salad. Just say no. You’ll thank me later.

And the winner (as if you should even have to ask) is:

- Me

This past Tuesday, Lindsey and I were jonesing for some sandwiches.  We had a coupon book that came in the mail for Subway, so we grabbed it and headed over.  We went to our favorite Subway location, which is only a couple of blocks from our apartment, at Willow and Herndon.  It’s clean, convenient, and next door to a GameStop, Target, and Best Buy.  Generally, they’re very nice people, but we were in for a surprise on this particular trip.

We decided to use two coupons.  The first coupon was for a six-inch meal deal (six-inch sandwich, chips, and a 21 ounce drink for $5).  The second coupon was a buy one get one free (free six-inch with purchase of any sub of equal or greater value and a 32 ounce drink).  We went in thinking that these coupons were fairly straightforward.  $5 meal deal, and free six-inch with the purchase of any sub of equal or greater value.  Notice that I placed emphasis on the word “any”.

We started ordering our sandwiches.  I ordered a footlong B.L.T., and she ordered two six-inch Turkeys.  The owner was working the register when we had our sandwiches ready.  I explained (twice, since he wasn’t paying much attention to us) what we wanted to do and how we wanted to apply the coupons.  We were going to use the $5 meal deal for one of her six-inch Turkeys, and the buy one get one free for her other six-inch Turkey from the purchase of my footlong B.L.T.  It was very clearly explained to him.  He started ringing things up, and applied the buy one get one free coupon first.  When he finished with that order, he asked if we wanted any chips or a drink with my footlong.  We were understandably surprised, as we were under the impression that he had just charged me for my footlong and free six-inch.  We looked over the coupon, and noticed that he had actually charged us for one Turkey, and made the other Turkey free, meaning our $5 meal deal coupon would not be useful.  We brought this to his attention, explaining a third time how we wanted the coupons used, and he began claiming, rather belligerently, that the coupon was buy one six-inch and get one six-inch free.  He claimed it was written right there on the coupon.  We took the coupon, and showed him that it said any sub, and did not, in fact, specify that it had to be a six-inch.  This exchange continued for two or three minutes, getting more heated as time passed.  Eventually, out of exasperation on his part, he reversed the original order and did it correctly, if grudgingly.

The coupon’s text was perfectly clear that any sub of greater or equal value would get you a free six-inch sub.  The only thing his temper tantrum was able to achieve was the loss of two customers.

Fuck you, Subway dude.

-Because I said so