The Sony E3 Press Conference might have finished a few minutes ago, and the internet is buzzing about Kevin Butler. Butler, who is a fictional Sony VP portrayed by an actor, came on and owned the entire thing. From trash taking about Microsoft and the Cirque du Soleil event they had for Kinect, to pumping the crowd up on how awesome it is to be a gamer. Check out this awesome video showing his speech:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvqRlhpNdYA&feature=player_embedded#!

- Me

*UPDATE* - I missed it before because it didn’t show up in Google Chrome, but on the How To page, there is an actual video. Seeing that I couldn’t add it to the post, I searched on YouTube and came across it, but the YouTube version includes an AMAZING song lol! Scroll down to bottom of post for video. Slightly NSFW.

OK… so, as a woman, I’ve almost always been jealous of how men can pee while standing up. I also hate how they can write their name in snow, whereas I have to squat and freeze my little butt cheeks. Having been born with my lady parts, I’ve found myself having to hold the urge to pee sometimes. This is due to inadequate restroom facilities, or simply none at all. Last thing I want to do is risk peeing outdoors somewhere and missing the mark, causing urine to go everywhere. Gross, gross, and did I say that it’s gross?

Today I stumbled upon this fantastic little invention that will allow ladies to pee like men, and I’m seriously considering getting some. Why? Well sometimes public restrooms are filthy and the thought of touching anything makes me die a little inside. I present to you all the Urinelle!

Now, the Urinelle is for more than just peeing like a dude. It can be used for when you need to provide a urine sample, and you don’t have to worry about accidentally pissing on your hands. Believe me, it’s not a good feeling. Also, it’s great if you have to go camping or do something else far away from a public restroom. Ladies won’t have to worry about peeing on their clothing, or it running down their leg. It happens gents, so be glad that you were born with a penis. Urinelle is 100% natural and biodegradable! Once you’re done with it, all you do is flush it down the toilet and wah lah! I personally would still use a bit of toilet paper to dabble my bits, but that’s just me. I’d feel unclean if I didn’t.

If  you’re wondering how it works, this little diagram that I found on the website should provide you all the information you’d ever need…..

So there you have it. Gone are the days where I freak out about ‘water’ drops left on public toilet seats. Gone are the days where I freak out because the stall I’m in is out of seat covers. Gone are the days where I don’t want to go camping, fearing that I’d have to risk potential piss on my legs or clothing. Thank you Urinelle. Now I can really be like ‘one of the guys’ and draw pretty urine unicorns in the snow.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AcgH0e6wmQ&has_verified=1

- Me

This will be a fairly short post, as most of the details of the topic at hand will not be divulged.  Last night, Lindsey and I were fooling around with a bit of intensity, when she demanded that I bring myself closer to her so that we could be more comfortable.  Being in the moment, she did not want to waste time with too many words, however.  As such, the words she chose to use in this situation were, “Come on Sweetie.”  I stopped what I was doing.  She stopped what she was doing.  I looked at her just as she realized what she said, and I started laughing.

Needless to say, she was not amused.  She will also not be amused at the fact that I just told all of you.

-[insert GET OVER HERE! here]

Thanks to my friend Mike, otherwise known as Ognawk, I came across this little gem on The Oatmeal. I can’t stand Justin Bieber, or anything else remotely close to his teenybopper bullshit, so this little game was right up my alley.

By answering a few questions, you are then given the amount of Justin Biebers you would be able to fight, kill, dismember, etc. Should I end up in a burly brawl against many Biebers, take comfort in knowing, dear readers, that I would be able to handle this:

I honestly don’t even know how to start this off without laughing hysterically, but I will try.

Very rarely do I use mayo. Why? Because it’s basically eggs and oil combined to create a creamy white substance. I do not care for creamy white substances in my mouth, and you may interpret that however you want. On sandwiches I prefer mustard, but with my reflux, the vinegar in mustard just kills me. To avoid having a dry sandwich, I am forced to use a little bit of mayo.

Wanting tuna sandwiches, we purchased one of those squeezable mayo containers. It’s easier than using a jar, and it takes up less space in the fridge. To have a tuna sandwich without mayo is a sin, and it would be really dry. We had that particular mayo container for close to about a month. It was maybe half empty, but still had a lot of use left in it… that is until Chris got a hold of it.

About a week ago Chris got on this kick to make some sandwiches. We went to the grocery store around the corner, bought what we needed (cheese, deli meats, etc) and went home. Everything seemed pretty normal until several hours later, when I went into the kitchen, I saw the mayo bottle on the counter and we both didn’t trust it to be safe. So much for that bottle.

A couple of days ago Chris went to the grocery store to get another bottle of mayo, a bottle of ketchup (since our other one is now empty), some lettuce, and I believe a few other things. Shortly after he got home, he made some more sandwiches. He also made this yogurt thing of his, in which he had to go to the fridge to get the ingredients, and he was standing right in front of where the mayo bottle was on the counter.

We ate our sandwiches, and a couple of hours passed before I got up, refilled my glass with some water, and as I was doing that I glanced at the counter. What was there? THE BOTTLE OF NEW MAYO!

I couldn’t believe it! So my conversation with Chris went a little something like this:

Me: Sweetie! You left the brand new mayo out!

Chris: I did? Oh… shit, I’m so sorry.

Me: Sweeetttiiieeee, how could you forget?!?

Chris: Well, I was busy making (his yogurt thingy) and I just forgot.

Me: But it was right there on the counter in front of you…

Later on that evening I had a snack. A sliced apple with a caramel dipping sauce. Since the dipping sauce is in a large container, I only had to use a little bit of it, I got up and said “Sweetie… I’m now getting up and putting it BACK IN THE FRIDGE.” Chris laughed at me a little because he knew I was making fun of him, but he probably has some crazy subconscious vendetta against mayo.

Yesterday we ended up going to the grocery store to get a couple of things, and of course a new bottle of mayo, and since we haven’t used it yet, it is safe in the fridge… for now. Should something happen to this third bottle of mayo, you all know who to blame, and it certainly isn’t going to be me.

- Me

A couple of weeks ago we announced that we would be sharing some of the ridiculous Mad Libs that we do together in bed before we go to sleep. Today, I bring you some more. As always, I will post the ones I asked Chris to fill in, and he will post the ones where I provided the answers. I’ll be nice and issue a disclaimer again: loads of penis references, bizarre stuff, and I can assure you that neither of us suffer from any mental/psychological disorders.

First one is titled Horror Movies:

Here is a list of the most large horror buildings ever made in Hollywood. Each of these rusty films received a rating of two nipples-up from Siskel and Ebert. 1. The Hunch Ass of Notre Concrete 2. The Weed of the Living Sun 3. The Banana of Frankenstein 4. The Invasion of the Peanut Butter Snatchers 5. The Desk from the Gargantuan Lagoon 6. I was a Teenage Were-Car 7. The Shower of the Opera.

Next is titled Four Sure Signs:

Now let us discuss the bouncy traits of four more zodiac toes. Aries (March 21-April 19) are very sleepy lovers. If you flatter their eyes or tell them they have a splendid floor, they are capable of deep affection. Although they are generous and grumpy, don’t challenge them or you will wind up behind the fluffy ball. People born under the sign of Taurus (April 20-May20) are calm, honest, frank, and giant. They are dopey thinkers. Their asses are fondly planted on the ceiling. Geminis (May 21-June21) have frumpy brains and are interested in scientific walls. While very romantic and tiny, they are also practical and juicy. Their main goal in life is to make a great deal of bushes. Those born under the sign of Cancer (June 22-July22) have intense stars and often have enormous cats. They have uncontrollable dogs and can fly off the penis at the drop of a nose.

The final one is titled Another Close Encounter:

I wanted to tell you about a soft experience I had yesterday. I was walking down a path which leads from my house, when three kitties from Outer Space came out from behind the mail box. I couldn’t believe my boobs. My heart stopped. I wanted to scream at the top of my elbows but I couldn’t because I had lost my safe. I was very close to wanking when one of the creatures fiercely held out his trunk and shook my chest. These were friendly, but strange looking, balls. The one who was puce had a gigantic Skag on his head and had four robes sticking out of his bandit. I wonder if all this was a figment of my Spiderant.

So last week I made a post about me being sick. I am happy to announce that whatever germs decided to inhabit my body last week have been eradicated, and I can actually breathe!

I hate being sick, and I don’t know what happened, but I was down for almost all of last week. It happened at a bad time too since I had to worry about my daughters birthday party, which happened on Saturday. Fortunately I felt better the day before, and the party went off perfectly. What boggles my mind is that Chris didn’t get sick at all! I rarely go out of the house, so Chris is exposed to more germs on a daily basis than I am in an entire week. One theory was that I got it from the Iron Man 2 midnight premiere we went to. The other theory is that my immune system secretly hates me and has it out for me.

Either way, I have slept better the past couple of nights, I can breathe properly, I’m not waking up in the middle of the night coughing, and I haven’t been that nauseated! Huzzah! Buh-bye Germies!

- Me

Hey there, fellow WOM Bats!  Welcome to another installment in the new World of Meh on-going Mad Lib series!  Yesterday, in the introductory Mad Libs post, Lindsey posted a couple of Mad Libs that I completed.  Now we’ll see just how twisted her own mind is!

How about we start with the tale of legendary American Paul Revere?:

Paul Revere was born in Boston, California, in 1735.  His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a fluffy library.  He was a soldier in the French and Chinese War and was at the famous Boston Supermarket Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of water into the ocean.  On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited in Fiji for a signal light from a church tower.  The signal was to be one if by tree, two if by barber.  When he got the message, he mounted his faithful mother and rode off lovingly.  On the way, he kept yelling, “The men are coming!  The men are coming!”  This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King Ricky Gervais.

After that disturbing tale of strange love between an American legend and his mother, we’ll move on to a Report by a Student Protest Committee:

Fellow Students of Harvard!  We the members of the Students for a Difficult Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fingers.  He has just fired our friend, Professor Chris, because he wore his penis long, and because he dressed in pants and wore old toes.  Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the tooth building and kidnapping the Assistant Soap.  We also will demand that all students have the right to wear hot hair and squishy beards.  Remember our slogan: “Down with legs.”

Why, yes, I do wear my penis long.  And pants.  I occasionally wear pants.

Tune in next time for more…of whatever the crap this is.

-[insert WOM Bats here]

Get ready for a new, regular feature to World of Meh! Mad Libs!

Weeks ago, Chris and I bought a Mad Libs book at our local Borders. Why? Well, for starters it was on sale for $1.99, and the other reason is because we can. The Mad Libs were fun for us because we would do them in bed before going to sleep, and it also gave us a chance to just be incredibly silly. After we filled up the first book we quickly went back to Borders hoping that the books were still on sale. To our surprise they still were, so to be safe we picked up 4 books.

On a regular basis we will go and post up some of the Mad Libs we’ve done (obviously the better ones because all can’t be winners), and I actually feel kind of sorry for you guys. Get ready for a lot of penis, testicles, boobs, and other filthy things. We are truly sad individuals, but at least we are having fun! (Chris says: Those with delicate sensibilities will be offended.)

To start things off, here is one Chris provided the answers for, which are underlined. The topic is Alexander the Great:

In 356 B.C., Philip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby lamp named Alexander. Alexander’s teacher was Aristotle, the famous rug. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by William Shatner, after which he became pen of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Leonard Nimoy at the battle of Vulcan. Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory, over Darius the Third. This made him Starship Hoogybloog over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his penises died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much urine, and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the eyelash. His last words are reported to have been, “There are no more pillows to conquer.”

Another one Chris provided answers to was titled How to be a Photographer:

Many massive photographers make big money photographing sausages and beautiful kielbasas. They sell the prints to stiff magazines or to agencies who use them in flagpole advertisements. To be a photographer, you have to have a yardstick camera. You also need a thick meter and filters and a special close-up knob. Then you either hire professional trouser snakes or go out and snap candid pictures of ordinary bananas, But if you want to have a career, you must study very lustfully for at least 69 years.

So there you have it. Two fabulous Mad Libs, one with our first mention of penis, and a second filled with penile innuendos (Chris says: In-YOUR-endos).

….dirty bastard :p

I use Google Voice.  I think it’s fantastic.  I especially love how it will do a voice to text translation of voicemails and send an email transcript.  I do not love it for its accuracy.  On the contrary, I love it for its complete inaccuracy and butchery of the English language.  Allow me to demonstrate:

I have a few voicemail transcripts that are so sufficiently garbled that they can’t help but protect the identity of the caller, as well as the content of the message.

Well, Christopher Hi, this is mom.  Don’t worry about it.  Pinebelt question and I have some fish if you want.  Fisherman make you some fish, but I didn’t include and just stop by and get some check in with me if you can for the rest of us and Hey Kit, with invite if you get to.  So I’ll make your fish and if you want creation away but purchasing tickets.  If you don’t want fish said, Go ahead and get that you can and bring it to me so if you have any questions give me a call right now.  I’m on my lunch for the next, probably, 2025.  I was just trying to pick up stuff on the floor.  Yes, this is of.  Anyway, I’ll talk to you later.  Love you bye.

Yeah.  Fisherman make you some fish.

Good Morning.  This is Jonathan frame all calling.  I have been paying well.  Anyway, I’m just calling to let you know.  Instead 17.  Thank you.  8.  They’re gonna be going to do today, so how.  You know, maybe we can meet on those, I can give you the keys with the house and the contract, so if so you know if you wanna move everything Ireland you know it has been some of his you know you have the key.  Anyway, I’m in town and they just give me a buzz.  Alright.  Thank you and I will talk to you.

Her name isn’t Jonathan, by any stretch.

Yeah, Hello yeah i was just gonna ask you.  I forgot to ask you if you guys are they got you a call at the or.  I’ve got to call at one of them.  First reading the shoes at the runs just individual and doesn’t take one of them committee.  If it if you guys don’t have her call it.  I was just use the one, this is of it and you should give me a call.  Let me know please.  Bye.

I stopped reading shoes ages ago.

If you could just give me a call.  I have to step in fact, at this it is not working.  Give me a call please.  His with you.

His most certainly is not with me.

I’m calling from Xbox Customer Support.  In regards to the she, Your have and with the problem.  Vermont tonight dates you’re not there when you can please give us a call back number, 1.  For my xbox with your Reference Number want 120-4283 Staffing for further assistance.  Thank you.  Talk to you soon.  X box and have a good day.

I’ve never been to Vermont.

I’m xbox Support.  And apart.  And I guess you had a couple of them on getting less you’re not available.  Any to please give us a call back at 1 800 For my xbox with your reference number one on your own twine 842-8313 For further assistance.  Thank you purchasing X box and have a good day.

Wow, the sentient essence of Xbox Support itself called me.  I’m honored.

I love Google Voice.