I am both blessed and cursed with a wife who enjoys video games as much as I do. I am blessed, because she is my enabler. I don’t have to justify buying video games, consoles, or other electronics to her, because she understands the compulsion, and revels in it. I am cursed, because we only have one gaming setup, which means that we must learn to share time with our games. As only children, sharing was never that big of an issue growing up, so you can imagine how difficult it is when we’re nearing 30. Read the full story

Sunday was a crazy day. We were both exhausted from our Anniversary celebration the night before, and I was even more tired because I went to sleep feeling a little sick and with a migraine. That morning, Chris made us a delicious breakfast and then we found out about that fantastic Blur game deal, so we were off to do that. Afterwards we cleaned in preparation for his family member who would start staying with us on Monday, and had so much to do.

Since the relative would be staying the night, I wanted their bedroom to be perfect. I washed the sheets and comforter, and when those went into the dryer, I put in a load of towels. Now, our washing machine was given to us for free from my Mother right before we moved into the apartment. It’s also the same washing machine that had a fuck load of black widows inside of it. We don’t have an excellent track record with this washer. Sunday was no different.

For some reason, I got up and was going to go somewhere or get something, and when I was up I looked to the living room and hallway, and I couldn’t believe what I saw. All I could say was “Oh my God! Oh my God!” Chris thought Moogle did something, or made a mess on the carpet, and I really wish that’s all it was, but it was so much worse than that.

There was water, about an inch deep, coming from the laundry room. It was inside the entire guest bathroom, it was down the hallway where the bedrooms are all attached, it covered the entire hallway off of the entry, and the entryway tile was completely covered as well. To make matters worse, our front living room carpet was soaked about 3-4 feet in, the coat closet in the hallway was drenched, and the entry to two out of the three bedrooms was sopping wet.

The water just kept coming out of the bottom of the washing machine, not allowing the sensor to detect that it should stop putting water inside of it. The hoses were fine, so it wasn’t that, so odds are, the evil washing machine is toast. Chris saw that our next door neighbors were outside so he had me go immediately and ask if they had a shop vac, so we could quickly get all of the water out and prevent water damage. Fortunately they did, and they had a Rug Doctor too, which helped out immensely with getting the water out of the carpet and pads.

Chris managed to fill the shop vac about 4 times with water, which should give you an idea about how much was there in the hallway and guest bathroom, and I was doing the Rug Doctor for a few hours. To do the living room, it took me over an hour. All in all, we spent well over 3 hours cleaning everything up, and we still had to finish with the rest of the house. By the time we got done with everything, cleaning wise, it was about midnight and we had to wake up Monday morning at 6, with the rest of the day packed.

So, needless to say the only way we can wash anything here in the house is by hand, or by driving all the way across town to go to MIL’s house and use her washer. Since we can’t afford a new washing machine, I can keep my fingers crossed that in 6 days, when it’s my birthday, I am given a nice new shiny one as a present! YAY!

- Me

Having had a Facebook account for a few years now, and in the recent year started to use it more, I’m really starting to get sick of it. I originally joined Facebook to make contact with friends I went to school with, and wanted something more mature than shitty Myspace. Myspace was filled with all of those stupid glittery .gif comments, so much spam, and nasty dudes trying to get their dicks wet. No thank you.

My initial impression of Facebook was positive. It was clean, I didn’t have to worry about decorating my profile so I could look cool, and it was less buggy. As time went on, Facebook started to become the same as other social networking sites. Random friend requests, shitty privacy policies, spam, and people having to change their passwords because their accounts were compromised. On the privacy issue, I’ve always had mine set to “friends only.” All of my information is “friends only” and so are my pictures. I value my privacy, and it is so stupid that Facebook makes it such an ordeal to ensure that I have the kind of privacy I want. I don’t want my pictures or information sold to third parties, nor do I want creepy people I don’t know looking at pictures of my daughter. It shouldn’t have to be this constant thing, and at times I have thought about cancelling my Facebook account.

The one thing that is really pushing me towards that decision is this: Apps. I am so sick and fucking tired of logging on only for my friend feed to be filled with status updates from apps. Sick. Of. It. To make matters worse, I then have to sift through and see all these posts of YouTube videos, what groups/pages people are ‘Liking’ and quiz results. I’m almost 28. Does it look like I give a rats ass about what Disney Princess you are? FUCK NO! I enjoy having fun on the internet as much as the next individual, and I will admit that I have played some of the games in the past, used some of the other apps, and have even done some of the quizzes when I’ve been incredibly bored… but here is what makes me different than the 100+ people on my page: I don’t publish it to my profile.  (Note: All images of FB posts are taken from my actual feed, but I removed the names to protect the privacy of my friends.)

It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to flood my friends feeds with my stupid shit, and then rant and rave about what they do. I make a conscious effort to make sure that the only things on my status are things I want up there. I don’t have a tab on my profile for boxes or other crap, I have only posted a YouTube video maybe once (and it was because I genuinely wanted to share it with people rather than say “HEY! Look at what I’m watching!!!11eleven!!”), and I don’t go and join all of these groups named shit like “Ever have a one night stand and then get some burly crotch itch?”

I went through my feed, and while I only counted how many application statuses I saw, it doesn’t include the 20+ YouTube video posts, the numerous “like” shit, and other annoying crap. So, here is what I counted so far:

Within the past 12 hours

Castle Age – 3 posts

Country Life – 1 post

Fish World – 11 (10 posts were straight in a row)

FishVille – 2 posts

Vampire Wars – 3 posts in a row

Zombie Farm – 1 post

Total posts in a 12 hour timespan: 21

I went further back and counted this:

From 5 to 8 PM

Castle Age – 1 post

Family Feud – 2 posts in a row

Fish World – 15 posts in a row

Happy Pets – 1 post

My City Life – 1 post

Save Shelter Dogs & Puppies – 2 posts in a row

Vampire Wars – 2 posts in a row

Zombie Farm – 3 posts in a row

Total posts in a 3 hour timespan: 27

So, in 15 hours, my friend feed was bombarded with 48 goddamn app spam posts. Ridiculous! I’ve had to delete a massive amount of people before due to privacy and not being able to trust them, so it’s really sad where I’m having to consider removing people (some who are yeeeaaarrrss older than myself) because of stupid childish crap. Maybe I’m just getting old, or maybe it’s because I joined Facebook to stay in contact with people I cared to associate with, not to constantly read shit about how you cleaned your fictional fish tank, but regardless it has to stop. Facebook should make it to where people can select which apps they want to see in their friend feed, because at this point the only option I have is to hide certain people and that includes every single little thing they post – I’ve already had to do that to two people already because I don’t care about their drama.

I just feel like I shouldn’t have to make decisions like ‘do I hide this person entirely, or do I let them stay and get annoyed by their shit?’ or ‘do I delete the person from my profile, and have to deal with drama?’ My 10 year class reunion is coming up this Fall, and the last thing I want to have to deal with is somebody coming up to me asking “Hey! Why did you remove me from Facebook?” because I can assure you, it would happen. If I were still in high school, OK, I could see this app behavior to be normal. If I were like 8-10 years younger, OK, still same age group, still immature. However, on the 29th of this month, I will be 2 years away from 30, so shouldn’t my peers have matured as well? I guess not.

If any of my friends read this, in which I sincerely doubt they will, but just in case, I’m not trying to be mean, I’m not trying to call you out, I’m just simply saying that if you want to play games, I don’t want to have to fucking read it because I don’t care. If you want to do a quiz, I don’t give a shit about the result, and do you really want every single person to know how bitter some of you can be with the groups you ‘like?’

The odds of me deleting my Facebook are slim to none because at the end of the day, there are some friends on there, friends I’ve had since I was 6, that I want to keep in contact with. Sometimes phone or email doesn’t always work because they live in different time zones, have families, work, and are busy. Facebook allows me to stay connected with them without having to be a bother, so I like that. I’m just at my wits end because as each day goes by, it’s just keeps getting worse. So, Internetz, please…. stop the insanity!

- Me

On Friday, May 14th,  it was announced that the bastards at NBC pulled the plug on Heroes. NBC has been doing a lot of stupid things lately (don’t even get me started on the whole Conan bit…) so I suppose we can add this to their long list of fuck-ups.

Read the full story

Over the past few days I’ve been looking for some new iPhone games to get, and when scrolling through the recent titles I saw one named Almighty Mr. Ice. When I read the description, it looked like a simple little side-scrolling platformer, and was similar to Mario. I started to become genuinely interested in downloading it until I looked at the screenshots.

In this shot right here, everything looks relatively normal. It almost looks like a scene from Super Mario World on SNES. Pretty appealing, right?

Another normal screenshot. It shows the features of the Ice Shoe, and it’s abilities. Still nothing out of the ordinary.

WHAT IS THIS?!?!? EASY MODE: FOR LADIES AND KIDS? WHY FOR?!? Honestly? Aren’t we past this whole “women can’t play video games” type of mentality? Apparently not!

If the creator of the game simply said that easy game was for casual gamers, or for children, that would be fine… but to single out women as a whole, and apply that to the easy mode is ridiculous. Because of that, I didn’t download the game, an even though there are tons of positive reviews for it in the App Store, I won’t download it. I refuse to support a game that singles out women, and basically saying that women who play video games are so inept that they must resort to gaming on easy modes.

While I am not a fan of exclusive female gaming communities, because I feel that they actually help encourage the division between male and female gamers, I am strongly against discrimination towards female gamers. Every gamer is different. Every gamer has a different skill level. Why can’t we just leave it at that? Why do we have to have these arguments about how women shouldn’t be playing video games, or if they do that they will automatically suck? Sure some female gamers are terrible, but there are some truly awful male gamers out there too. As long as the player is enjoying themselves and having a good time, there should be no problem (but I should clarify that if I am playing a game with a team and there is a weak link, I won’t be too pleased because that holds the rest of the team back).

Anyways, without getting on a crazy soap box, my point to all of this is that it’s sad that there are still biases out there, and it’s a shame because I really wanted to play Almighty Mr. Ice. Now I won’t simply out of principle, and save myself the $1.99.

- Me

For the past couple of days, Twitter has been…unreliable. Sure we’ve had problems with Twitter in the past, and feel like the Fail Whale is a part of the family, but it’s getting to be a bit too much.

Last night the dreaded Fail Whale started making multiple appearances on peoples screens, when trying to tweet error messages were popping up claiming server and internal errors, and right now my Twitter stream went over a half hour without any updates coming through. Some of you might be thinking that my concern over 30 minutes of no activity is a little silly, but when I follow hundreds of people and everything has suddenly gone silent…. one begins to wonder if they are all alone out there on the internet.

Some are blaming the sudden increase in problems on the fact that Twitter recently said they changed their algorithm in which Trending Topics are chosen, due to the fact that Justin Bieber (just putting his name on our site makes me want to rinse my eyes out with bleach) was constantly up there, angering those who aren’t pedophiles and vapid teeny-boppers. Apparently Twitter angered the jail-bait natives, and they have been doing everything they can to get his name back up there, like changing his name to Bustin Jieber. Regardless, it needs to stop.

The stupid children doing this need to just suck it up because the adults are the majority in this. Twitter wasn’t created so that we had to deal with looking at the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, and all of that other shit that has no talent. Twitter had other intentions, and it needs to have awesome things like Star Wars, Tool, The Tudors, Big Bang Theory, and others up there. It was a little late of Twitter to finally do something about Justin Bieber, but hopefully this is a step in the right direction, and hopefully they get their shit together because I’m tired of my Twitter going down *grumble grumble*.

- Me

I understand that a company as large as Microsoft requires a very large technical support staff.  I can understand that putting their technical support centers in India is more cost-effective for them.  I can understand that, since the centers are in India, they are more likely to use scripts and automatic emails to get over the language barrier.  I understand all of this, and  yet I am furious at their ineptitude.

Me while emailing and phoning Xbox tech support

Four days ago (Saturday), I bought a replacement black wireless Xbox 360 controller for Lindsey, as she had spilled nail polish and ginger ale over her previous controller.  This replacement controller came in a special bundle.  For an additional $10, I was able to acquire a game disc called the “Xbox Live Arcade Game Pack”, which included, playable from the disc, Bomberman Live, Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2, and Lumines Live.  A download code for Ms. Pac-Man was also included as part of the deal.  In case I have not been specific enough, only Ms. Pac-Man was downloadable, the other three games were on the disc, playable from the disc, and not downloadable whatsoever.  I specify because this little fact is important later on.  I was excited about this pack.  I enjoyed the demos for Geometry Wars and Lumines, but the lion’s share of my excitement stemmed from my decades-long love of Bomberman.  What can I say?  I’m Middle-Eastern.  Blowing stuff up must be in my blood.

Right.  We now come to the problem which created the need for technical support.  The download code for Ms. Pac-Man worked, and Geometry Wars and Lumines could be played off the disc, but Bomberman Live would not play.  When I first tried loading it, I was greeted with a dialog informing me that an update was available for the game.  I chose to download the update, as I usually do.  I was then greeted with a new dialog that said the update could not be found, and that I should contact Xbox support.  I was then told that I would need to “re-download the game package” and was sent directly to the Xbox Live Marketplace, where I would be charged the full 800 points to purchase Bomberman Live, regardless of the fact that I had the full version on a disc.  I quickly went to the support website and submit a request for assistance via email, detailing my issue in much the same way as I have done here for you.  All of the major points were included, so there could be no confusion as to what my problem was.

Sunday comes along and I receive a reply to my support request via email:

Hello Christopher,

Thank you for contacting Microsoft online support for XBOX. I am July and I will be helping you today with this issue.

I am sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your Xbox Live Account. In order to isolate what is causing the problem and to give you the correct steps to resolve the issue, please provide us with more specific details.

• Type of account subscription (Silver or Gold)
• The type of connection you are using (direct modem, router, wireless, gateway, Windows ICS)
• The phase where the Xbox Live Connection test fails (Network Adapter, Wireless Network, IP Address, DNS, MTU, ICMP, Xbox LIVE, NAT)
• The exact error message that you are encountering
• Please include other details that can help identify the issue.

We look forward to hearing from you again and helping you resolve your problem.

To expedite service, please provide Service Request Number 1120205162.

Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.

Best Regards,

July

Microsoft XBOX Support Services

http://support.microsoft.com/

As you can see, this has no relevance to my issue whatsoever, and is obviously a canned response.  My reply:

Good morning,

I am not having a problem with my Xbox Live connection.  I gave the
problem details in my original submission.  I purchased a new wireless
controller for my 360, and it came bundled with the Xbox Live Arcade
game pack, which included Geometry Wars 2, Bomberman Live, Lumines
Live, and a download code for Ms. Pac-Man.  The download code worked,
and so far, Geometry Wars 2 and Lumines Live work.  However, when I
load Bomberman Live, it requires an update.  I am then told that the
update can not be found, or that I have to re-download the entire
game.  I want to play Bomberman Live, since I paid for it, and I love
Bomberman.  Please make that happen.

I had already fully explained the situation in my original submission, so this brief reminder seemed appropriate.  I hoped this would have been sufficient to get them back on track and fix my issue.  Let’s read their next response (received on Tuesday) and see if they’ve managed to pull it together:

Hello Christopher,

Thank you for using XBOX Customer Support online! I am Jenice and I will be helping you today with this issue.

As I understand that when you try to download an update on your Xbox 360 console, the auto-update stops during the download and you do not receive an error message. Please be assured that I will do my best to help you resolve the issue.

Also, you may experience one of the following:

. The auto-update fails. You receive a connectivity error message, but when you test your connection to Xbox Live, you do not receive an error message.

. After you download an auto-update for a game, you receive a message that states that you must download the same auto-update.

. After you download an auto-update, you cannot connect to Xbox Live. Additionally, you cannot access functions that you could previously access.

Here are some things that you can try to resolve the issue or to determine what the cause is.

1.  If you experience the first or second symptom that is listed in the “Symptoms” section, use a direct connection to download the auto-update. For more information about how to set up a direct connection, visit the website: http://www.xbox.com/en-US/Support online/connecttolive/xbox360/connectionmethods/modem.htm

Note: This method applies to auto-updates for games and for the Xbox Dashboard.

2.  If you experience all the symptoms that are listed in the “Symptoms” section, delete the game data.

Warning: When you delete game data, you lose any saved game information.

Note: Copy the saved game data to a separate memory source so that you can restore the data if this step does not resolve the issue.

To delete game data, follow these steps:

a. Sign in by using your gamertag.

b. Move to the System section.

c. Select Memory, and then press the A button.

d. Select Hard Drive, and then press the A button.

e. Select Games, and then press the A button.

f. Select the profile that you want to view, and then press the A button.

g. On the Select Game screen, select the game for which the update will not download, and then press the Y button.

h. On the Game screen, press the A button to delete the game.

Note: The Delete option is the only option that is available on the Game screen.

i. On the Delete Item screen, select Yes, and then press the A button to confirm the deletion.

j. Press the B button four times to return to the System section.

k. Start the game, and then sign in to Xbox Live to download the update again.

If you need to reply to this e-mail, please reply ‘with history’ (include any previous e-mail) or reference to Service Request Number 1120205162 so we can expedite our service to you.

Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.

Best Regards,

Jenice

Microsoft XBOX Support Services

http://support.microsoft.com/

Failure, again, to comprehend the simplest of explanations.  I reply thusly, having become slightly frustrated:

PLEASE READ MY EMAIL AND ANSWER INSTEAD OF CONTINUOUSLY SENDING
PRE-WRITTEN RESPONSES THAT HAVE NO RELEVANCE TO MY ISSUE:

“Good morning,

I am not having a problem with my Xbox Live connection.  I gave the
problem details in my original submission.  I purchased a new wireless
controller for my 360, and it came bundled with the Xbox Live Arcade
game pack, which included Geometry Wars 2, Bomberman Live, Lumines
Live, and a download code for Ms. Pac-Man.  The download code worked,
and so far, Geometry Wars 2 and Lumines Live work.  However, when I
load Bomberman Live, it requires an update.  I am then told that the
update can not be found, or that I have to re-download the entire
game.  I want to play Bomberman Live, since I paid for it, and I love
Bomberman.  Please make that happen.”

IT’S NOT THAT HARD!

At this point, I had given up on their ability to understand written language, so I decided that, perhaps, a more personal attempt should be made.  Yesterday, after sending my reply, I called Xbox support directly.  After I made my way through their interminable voice activated menu system (which I loathe, incidentally), I was greeted by “Jason,” and we were underway.  After explaining my issue to him (three times) in bits and pieces (due to his constant interruptions) he asked for my name and my Xbox Live gamertag.  Spelling my name for him took approximately five minutes, as I had to keep correcting his mistakes as he repeated it back to me.  My gamertag took an additional two or three minutes, as it is a whopping seven letters long, and well beyond his difficulty level, apparently.  At this point, his script told him to clarify the issue once more.  As he was explaining the issue, I again had to correct his mistakes and set the record straight, since apparently the first three explanations weren’t sufficient.  Eventually, we get to the troubleshooting point, and, as I was at work and not near my Xbox, he claimed he would not be able to help me, and asked me to call back later.  That cost me close to 45 minutes of my day.

I called back when I got home and spoke with “Brian.”  I explained my situation again (this time only twice) and awaited assistance.  My name and gamertag had already been recorded, apparently, so I was not required to suffer through such an ordeal again, thankfully.  I did have quite a hard time with this call, however, because of their hold system.  For some reason, during the hour long call, whenever I was put on hold I was not treated to smooth listening hold music, but dozens of technical support conversations all at once.  Needless to say, it was discomforting.  About 40 minutes in, the hold “noise” suddenly changed to the smooth listening music I had expected.  Approximately 30 seconds later, they corrected their apparent mistake and returned me to the cacophony that had been previously assaulting my senses.  I eventually was told that I would be given a download code for Bomberman Live, but that a higher level of support would have to give me the code.  He connected me with the higher level of support, “Aaron,” who proceeded to inform me (eventually, after more hold music and questions) that I would receive a callback from support in “48-72 hours” with a resolution to this issue.  Frustrated, I decided to accept this and end the call.  I now await the return call that will, ideally, give me download codes for not only Bomberman Live, but Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 and Lumines Live, in case the same issue should arise with those games at a future date.

Now, some would think that this would be the end of the story.  I certainly did.  Unfortunately, we are quite mistaken.  Mere hours after my phone call ended, I received this third email from Xbox support:

Hello Christopher,

Thank you for contacting Microsoft online support for XBOX. I am Rio and I will be helping you today with this issue.

I understand that you are unable to access a downloaded content that you purchased from the Xbox live Marketplace.

My apologies for the inconvenience that you are having right now but rest assured that we will extend our resources to the full extent in order for us to help you regarding this concern.

Sometimes, you may not be able to access or use downloadable game content because the content has become corrupted.

Here are some things that you can try to resolve the issue:

1. Delete the downloadable content, and then download the content again. To delete downloadable game content that is corrupted, follow these steps:

a.       Sign in to Xbox LIVE by using your Gamertag.

b.      In the Xbox Dashboard, select System, and then press the A button.

c.       Select Memory, and then press the A button.

d.      On the Storage Devices screen, select Hard Drive, and then press the A button.

e.       On the Hard Drive screen, select Games, and then press the A button.

f.        On the Games screen, select the game title that you want, and then press the A button.

g.       On the individual game screen, select the downloadable content that you want to delete, and then press the A button.

h.       On the content screen, press the A button to delete the content.

Note Delete is the only option that is available on this screen.

i.         On the Delete Item screen, select Yes, and then press the A button to confirm the action.

j.        On the individual game screen, press the B button four times to return to the System section.

k.      Start the game that you want. Then, sign in to Xbox LIVE to download the game content again.

To download previously purchased or previously downloaded content, use one of the following methods.

Download from the Xbox 360 console.

1.                  Attach the hard drive or the memory unit to your Xbox 360 console.

2.                  Turn on your Xbox 360 console.

3.                  Sign in to Xbox LIVE by using the gamer profile that originally downloaded the content.

4.                  Press the Xbox 360 Guide button, and then go to the Settings area. Select Account Management, and then select Download History.

5.                  Select the content item, and then select Download Again to download the item.

6.                  Repeat step 5 for each item in your download history that you want to recover.

Download from Xbox.com

1.                  Visit the following Xbox LIVE Web Marketplace Web site to access the My Account area:

http://marketplace.xbox.com/en-US/myAccount/PurchaseHistory.aspx

2.                  Select each item that you want to download, and then click Add to Queue. The selected items will automatically appear in the console’s Active Downloads area of the console on which you are currently signed in to Xbox LIVE.

2. Clear the system cache.

To clear the Xbox 360 Hard Drive cache, follow these steps:

1. Reattach the Xbox Hard Drive.

2. Locate the System section of the Xbox 360 Dashboard.

3. Select Memory, and then press the Y button to view the device options screen.

4. On the Xbox 360 Controller, press the following items in this sequence:

• X button
• X button
• Left bumper
• Right bumper
• X button
• X button

5. When you are prompted to confirm system maintenance, select Yes by pressing the A button.

Should you need to reply to this e-mail, please reply ‘with history’ (include any previous e-mail) or reference to Service Request Number 1120205162 so we can expedite our service to you.

Thank you for visiting Xbox.com. If you should have future questions on Xbox products or services, please be sure to revisit our Web site as we are continually adding information to enhance our service.

Best Regards,

Rio

Microsoft XBOX Support Services

http://support.microsoft.com/

The point was missed yet again, unsurprisingly.  My reply requested that they stop sending me incompetent emails, as I had phoned tech support and received some modicum of understanding from their end.  We shall see what comes next.

All I wanted to do was play some fucking Bomberman Live.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]

I like love NEED to wash my hands.  I wash them very thoroughly and very vigorously on a frequent basis.  If I touch our dog, I wash my hands.  If I touch a bathroom door (or anything in a bathroom), I wash my hands.  If I touch a slightly dirty dish, I was my hands.  If I touch my hands, I wash my hands!  Well, not so much that last one, but I am very neurotic about my hands.  Why does any of this matter?  My vigorous hand washing practices can sometimes leave water on the counter around the sink.  I can’t deny that.

And now, we come to the event that has inspired this post.  I, having felt the need, went to the bathroom to, as the plebeians say, “take a dump.”  Thankfully, nobody else was in the restroom when I entered (I have a thing about using the bathroom when people are around, or can hear me, or smell my emanations, etc, but that’s a story for a different day), so I proceeded to layer toilet paper over the seat.  I sat down and took my dump.  As I prepared to commence wiping duties (hehe, “duties”), someone entered the restroom and headed into the other stall.  I finished my task, and pulled up my pants (using toilet paper as a buffer between my dirty hands and my clean pants, of course).  I heard the other individual finish up his dump as I prepared to exit my stall.  I headed to the counter and started washing my hands thoroughly, getting some water on the counter as I reached for the soap dispenser.  The other man, whom we will call “Joe” (because that’s his name), headed to the counter as well, just as I finished rinsing the soap from my hands.

He proceeded to remark, “You know, I notice that every time you wash your hands, you leave water on the counter.  I usually clean it up, but then I wondered why the hell I was cleaning up your mess.  Pay attention like you do at home.”  He then left the bathroom after a quick two-second rinse of his hands (I kid you not).  This man, “Joe”, never washes his hands after peeing, and apparently is fine with a ridiculously quick rinse after crapping.  Were I slightly bolder and less courteous, I would have replied to his rudeness with a comment of my own, “I’m sorry, does it disgust you when I leave water on the counter?  Wash your goddamn hands, you disgusting son of a bitch.”

I said no such thing, unfortunately.  Maybe next time he brings a file into my office, I’ll tell him to go wash his hands and prepare a new copy of the file for me, because I know where his hands have been.

Fuck you, “Joe”.  Wash your fucking hands.

-Because I said so

Almost all of you who read this blog know about our dog Donnie. For those of you who don’t, last year Chris and I adopted a dog who was already named Donnie. At the time he was 4, was owner released, and is a Terrier/Chihuahua mix. Luckily Donnie took on more of the Terrier traits and personality than the shakey Chihuahua.

We found out right away that Donnie wasn’t house trained, but at the time it wasn’t a problem since he was in a backyard. In December of last year, we moved into our current home which is an apartment and Donnie didn’t come with us right away. Instead we waited for us to get settled in so that we could bring him over, and we needed to save up for the massive $400.00 pet deposit.

When Donnie eventually joined us in February, we went to PetSmart to get him some stuff. After shopping, we spent about $230.00 on a crate for him, food, new water bowls and dishes, a pet bed, and some other stuff. The crate was so that he could be kept in it over night because the last thing we needed was to wake up and see a piss filled carpet and crap all over the place. We even got a crate one size bigger so that he would have a side to sleep on, with a little mattress pad of course, and room to walk around in. We also made sure that food and water bowls were in there too.

So far he has done well in the crate. He threw up once in it and I can’t remember any other accidents until yesterday morning.

Let me set it up for you all….

On the night of June 29th, Chris and I stayed up late. The last time Donnie went to use the restroom was close to 1 in the morning which would’ve made it the 30th. Typically Donnie is put away around 10-11 and not taken out until I wake up which varies between 9 and close to 11. On the morning of the 30th, Chris woke up at his usual time of 6:15 and went to the bathroom. He does this every morning but that time I heard him say…”oh goddamnit!” Of course that woke me up and when I looked in the direction of the bathroom, I saw Chris start to head towards the kitchen. I thought he was running late and that he was in a rush. Unfortunately I was wrong.

Chris said “oh goddamnit!” because he smelled shit. Originally he thought it was coming from Moogles litter box because we keep that in the bathroom. When he saw no evidence, he then started to look around on the floor. Nothing was there. When he went into the kitchen and looked at Donnie’s crate… he found the culprit.

In the crate there were two big piles of shit. One was of a regular consistency that was partially on the floor of the crate and partially on his little mattress, the other was very squishy and only half of that made it into the crate. The rest, lovingly, was on our kitchen tile. I offered to clean it up but Chris refused to let me get out of bed, knowing that once I did I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep.

Poor Chris took Donnie outside onto the patio, and then proceeded to clean out the kennel, gagging the entire time due to the horrible stench. It was so strong, and so putrid, that you could smell it throughout the entire apartment. I obviously had no clue since I was asleep when it happened, but as I started to wake up more my sense of smell kicked in. It was not pretty. I honestly thought he was going to vomit, and I know he thought so too because he told me.

Needless to say, Chris was a little late to work but we thought the crisis was over.

Oh how wrong I was AGAIN!

A few hours later, I woke up around 9:40 to the sound of Donnie’s nails “tap dancing” around on the floor of the kennel. Moogle was in bed with me so I knew she wasn’t antagonizing him. Since it was really loud, I yelled at Donnie to “shush it” so that I could lay in bed for a few more minutes.

The sound didn’t stop. I kept hearing the tippity tappity of his nails and I knew that something was up. I knew, in the pit of my stomach, that I was going to find a huge mess. I was correct. As I rounded the corner to the kitchen I could smell it. Chris got the easy round of his shit, I got the disaster.

It was everywhere, and when I say everywhere…. I mean it. It was all over the inside of his kennel. It almost looked like there was a layer of watery mud in there. It even sprayed out onto the tile floor. I could also see that there was a pretty decent amount of piss in there too.

I was so angry that I picked up the entire crate, being oh so careful not to spill the contents on myself or the carpet, and put the entire thing in our bathtub. I ran the water at a nice temperature, and showered the entire thing down… with Donnie inside of it.

After I was done with that, I moved him and the crate outside onto the patio. It was hot so I put him in the shade, gave him food and water with ice cubes inside of it, and then proceeded to mop down the kitchen tile.

I hoped that was the last of it, but I was wrong… for the third time.

A few hours later from hosing Donnie down in the shower, I saw him circling around the inside of his crate. Sometimes he does this when he is trying to find a spot to sit or lay down, but he instead chose to blow shit out of his ass… using a lot of force I might add. It came out so fast that I didn’t have enough time to run to the sliding glass door and get him out.

Great thing was, there were sound effects too. As soon as it squished out of his butt, I heard this “PFFFTTTTT!!!!” It was so loud that I was able to hear it loud and clear 10 feet away, and through our sliding glass door.

Since I wasn’t about to drag the crate back inside again, I flushed it out with water that I brought outside in a large bowl. You can all imagine how many trips I had to make going back and forth…

Thankfully, that was the last of his shit we had to worry about and he didn’t make a mess in his crate for the rest of the day. He also made it through the night without any mistakes and he just went outside to use the world as his toilet. Hopefully it was just a little stomach bug and it has passed, but I will be keeping a close eye on him and he is back in his crate for right now.

Donnie truly is living up to his nickname I gave him… Mr. Poopy Duper!

- She Who Has The Last Word

I own a first generation iPhone.  I don’t qualify for an upgrade price until October of 2010, so I will continue to own a first generation iPhone for quite a while, I believe.  I have, generally, had no problems with my phone, and have held it very close to my heart since my wife bought it for me in February of 2008.  My love for my phone hasn’t diminished.

My love for Apple and AT&T has been shattered.

As an owner of a first generation product that is, arguably, still only in its second generation of development (or generation 2.5, if you must), I still expect a considerable level of product support from the manufacturer (Apple) and the content provider (AT&T).  I was looking forward to the 3.0 OS update very eagerly, as it meant I could finally MMS, among other things.  One of the things I gave up when getting the iPhone was MMS, and it was something I used often, so it was the primary feature I wanted to regain.

Oh, but wait!  What’s that, AT&T and Apple?  The iPhone 3.0 software does not provide MMS functionality for first generation iPhones? You’ve left cab money on the dresser for me to make my way home?  You have an important meeting in the morning?  You’ll call me?  Ok, that all sounds perfectly reasonable!

Fuck you Apple.

Fuck you AT&T.

-Because I said so