It seems like a cliche these days. Say the name of the game Ico and everyone expects praise. And by this point, everyone knows the idea of the minimalist game with beautiful design and a story that can be interpreted a myriad of ways. But what we’re talking about is one interpretation that was interesting enough to get published.

Read the full story

The Old Republic:  Revan, by Drew Karpyshyn, was one of the most highly anticipated Star Wars novels of the year.  It came out just in time (on my birthday, in fact) to create hype for The Old Republic, an MMORPG set to be released on December 20 of this year.  Revan, although a great read, failed to meet my expectations and, sadly, was a disappointment. Read the full story

Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy is regarded as one of the greatest pieces of literature in the world, and the greatest literary work of Italy.  It is not only the direct source of the official Christian imagery, structure, and function of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven, but it is also responsible for establishing the Tuscan dialect as the standard dialect of the Italian language.  It is a true masterpiece, and a testament to the creative genius that man is capable of.  Keep this in mind as we continue.

Graphic depiction of the nine circles of hell, the mountain of Purgatory, and of Paradise.

I apologize in advance for my unavoidably inadequate summary of the Divine Comedy.  The Comedy follows Dante’s journey through Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven as an allegorical representation of the soul’s journey to God.  In Inferno, sin is recognized and punished.  In Purgatorio, spiritual growth allows the soul to move beyond their sins and enter the Earthly Paradise in a state of pure innocence equal to that of the Garden of Eden before the fall of man.  In Paradiso, the soul finally ascends to God.  Dante is guided through Inferno and Purgatorio by the roman poet Virgil, whom he had great respect for.

Satan, in the ninth circle of the Inferno. In his central mouth lies Judas; In the mouths on either side, Brutus and Cassius, all being devoured eternally for their treachery.

Virgil, not being Christian, can not guide him through the realm of Heaven, however, which leads to his earthly object of adoration, Beatrice, guiding him through Paradiso. Dante’s travels allow him to recognize and reject sin, to spiritually grow beyond his sins, and to finally witness God and the human form of Christ, leading him to a fundamental epiphany about the nature of divinity.  I am not Christian, but I can appreciate the depth of the story and the mastery with which it was written.  It is a true work of literary art.

Now meet the Dante most people will visualize:

Nice to meet you!

This is Dante as portrayed in Visceral Games and EA’s video game adaptation of Dante’s Inferno, first of the three books in the Divine Comedy.  He looks slightly different than the classical illustrations of Dante, if one pays attention to the small details.  His outing in the video game adaptation of Dante’s Inferno is truly a bloody and violent affair.  A story summary can be found here.  Go ahead and catch up on that.  I’ll wait.

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Welcome back!  So, we have discovered that this particular Dante massacred his way through the Inferno to rescue the corrupted soul of his beloved Beatrice from the fiendishly devilish grasp of…well…the devil, Satan.  After defeating Satan and ensuring that Beatrice’s soul is in Paradise, he steps out of Hell and in to Purgatory.

I realize this doesn’t bother most people as much as it bothers me.  I realize that some people are able to step away and look at the video game as a video game, and ignore the connection it tries (and fails) to make to one of the world’s greatest literary works.  Regardless, I feel that this work should have been treated with more respect by Visceral and EA and left alone.  It was not material that should have been turned into a video game, because the narrative did not lend itself to that translation.

But wait, there’s more to this story than a bad video game.  After a slew of questionable marketing events, EA released their own paperback copy of Dante’s Inferno, complete with an introduction from game producer Jonathan Knight, and a 16-page insert of game-art.

Oh, man! This book looks awesome, and the game had so much action! I can't wait to read the novelization! Wait, what? It's just two dudes taking a really long fucking walk? GOD DAMMIT!

Thankfully, the Longfellow translation was left unviolated.

-[insert NERD RAGE here]

Last night, like I stated in my previous post regarding Subway vs. Panera, we went to Borders. I had a $15.00 coupon to use, so earlier in the day I looked around online. In their “Summer Reading” section I noticed this book titled “The Six Wives of Henry VIII” by Alison Weir. For the past couple of years, Chris and I have been watching the amazing Showtime show, The Tudors. If you haven’t seen it, or know nothing about it, I encourage you to find a way to watch the first season. It’s incredible. It is about the famous English King, Henry VIII. Because of that show, I’ve become highly interested in learning more, so I purchased the book about his wives.

For those of you who might not know, Henry VIII (obviously) went through six wives. Two were divorced (which was rare in those days), one died due to complications after giving birth to a child, two were beheaded because of adultery, and the last one outlived him. Lucky for her, eh? Sadly, if you were chosen to be a wife for the King, you couldn’t say no. It wasn’t up to you. As a child, your parents had all rights over you, and once you were married, the authority shifted over to your husband. Women back then were taught to obey, submit, and serve. What a shitty deal!

So far I’ve gotten through the introduction and am into the initial bits regarding the life of Katherine of Aragon, daughter of Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand of Spain (you know, the ones who sent over Christopher Columbus). It’s so fascinating how, by the age of 3, Katherine was already betrothed to Henry VII’s brother, Arthur. Could you imagine not even being old enough for preschool, but already having your future husband picked out for you? Marriages back then weren’t about love. They were about politics. It was common to have your son or daughter marry to another from a different country all for alliances. Since both Spain and England weren’t too keen on the French, it only made sense that the two of them solidify their “friendship” by having their children arranged in marriage.

What I’ve read so far is incredible. Katherine was the last of 10 children, although not all of them lived due to conditions back then, but Katherine was probably the most well known. I’m at the part where Katherine has just reached England and is about to meet Arthur for the very first time. A majority of the time, you didn’t see the person you were going to marry until the day of the wedding. You had to rely on others, and even paintings, to get an accurate description of your future significant other. Also, since you were having to leave your native country to be with your husband or wife, odds were that you’d never see your family again.

Marriages typically took place when the children were between the ages of 14-15, the age where it was deemed appropriate to consummate their union and start having babies. This was mainly due to the fact that, on average, women didn’t live too long into their 30′s, so they really had to get on it. Giving birth to children, one after the other, was considered normal as well. You can almost compare it to playing the odds. If you have more, more might survive, and having a son, a rightful heir to the throne, was imperative. To not give birth to a son back then was basically just as bad as not being able to conceive. Between Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s second wife and the first to lose her head, and Katherine of Aragon, they had 10 children but only two survived – Mary and Elizabeth. Definitely not good odds if you ask me.

The Six Wives of Henry VIII is a massive read. The content itself tops off at 571 pages, and there are several pages with illustrations, paintings, letters between the wives and Henry, and at the end there is a massive bibliography along with family trees. I’ve only put a small dent into the book, but I am really looking forward to what is ahead of me. As I make it through, I will be posting updates to keep you all in the loop. If you are interested in reading the book yourself, then look in the Non-Fiction/History section at your local Borders bookstore. If you don’t have a Borders, then have whatever store you have search to see if they carry copies of this book, or you can simply order from Borders online (or Amazon). So far, I recommend it. It’s fascinating history, and to learn something new is always a gift in itself.

- Me

Hey there, fellow WOM Bats!  Welcome to another installment in the new World of Meh on-going Mad Lib series!  Yesterday, in the introductory Mad Libs post, Lindsey posted a couple of Mad Libs that I completed.  Now we’ll see just how twisted her own mind is!

How about we start with the tale of legendary American Paul Revere?:

Paul Revere was born in Boston, California, in 1735.  His father taught him to work with metals, and he soon became a fluffy library.  He was a soldier in the French and Chinese War and was at the famous Boston Supermarket Party when Americans dressed as Indians dumped tons of water into the ocean.  On April 18, 1775, Paul Revere waited in Fiji for a signal light from a church tower.  The signal was to be one if by tree, two if by barber.  When he got the message, he mounted his faithful mother and rode off lovingly.  On the way, he kept yelling, “The men are coming!  The men are coming!”  This was the beginning of the American War for Independence from King Ricky Gervais.

After that disturbing tale of strange love between an American legend and his mother, we’ll move on to a Report by a Student Protest Committee:

Fellow Students of Harvard!  We the members of the Students for a Difficult Society are meeting here to decide what action to take about the Dean of Fingers.  He has just fired our friend, Professor Chris, because he wore his penis long, and because he dressed in pants and wore old toes.  Next week, we are going to protest by taking over the tooth building and kidnapping the Assistant Soap.  We also will demand that all students have the right to wear hot hair and squishy beards.  Remember our slogan: “Down with legs.”

Why, yes, I do wear my penis long.  And pants.  I occasionally wear pants.

Tune in next time for more…of whatever the crap this is.

-[insert WOM Bats here]

Get ready for a new, regular feature to World of Meh! Mad Libs!

Weeks ago, Chris and I bought a Mad Libs book at our local Borders. Why? Well, for starters it was on sale for $1.99, and the other reason is because we can. The Mad Libs were fun for us because we would do them in bed before going to sleep, and it also gave us a chance to just be incredibly silly. After we filled up the first book we quickly went back to Borders hoping that the books were still on sale. To our surprise they still were, so to be safe we picked up 4 books.

On a regular basis we will go and post up some of the Mad Libs we’ve done (obviously the better ones because all can’t be winners), and I actually feel kind of sorry for you guys. Get ready for a lot of penis, testicles, boobs, and other filthy things. We are truly sad individuals, but at least we are having fun! (Chris says: Those with delicate sensibilities will be offended.)

To start things off, here is one Chris provided the answers for, which are underlined. The topic is Alexander the Great:

In 356 B.C., Philip of Macedonia, the ruler of a province in northern Greece, became the father of a bouncing baby lamp named Alexander. Alexander’s teacher was Aristotle, the famous rug. When he was 20 years old, his father was murdered by William Shatner, after which he became pen of all Macedonia. In 334, he invaded Persia and defeated Leonard Nimoy at the battle of Vulcan. Later, at Arbela, he won his most important victory, over Darius the Third. This made him Starship Hoogybloog over all Persians. Then he marched to India, and many of his penises died. After that, Alexander began drinking too much urine, and at the age of 33, he died of an infection in the eyelash. His last words are reported to have been, “There are no more pillows to conquer.”

Another one Chris provided answers to was titled How to be a Photographer:

Many massive photographers make big money photographing sausages and beautiful kielbasas. They sell the prints to stiff magazines or to agencies who use them in flagpole advertisements. To be a photographer, you have to have a yardstick camera. You also need a thick meter and filters and a special close-up knob. Then you either hire professional trouser snakes or go out and snap candid pictures of ordinary bananas, But if you want to have a career, you must study very lustfully for at least 69 years.

So there you have it. Two fabulous Mad Libs, one with our first mention of penis, and a second filled with penile innuendos (Chris says: In-YOUR-endos).

….dirty bastard :p

Confessor is the eleventh, and final, book in the Sword of Truth series.  Terry Goodkind brings his story to its ultimate conclusion in this gripping finale.

Confessor is the final book in the Chainfire trilogy, as well as the Sword of Truth series.  Richard has been captured by the Imperial Order, but they are unaware of his identity, thinking he is only a common individual.  Richard manages to escape, however, after causing a riot in the army camp.  Kahlan recovers her memory of who she is, but not of her past.  The Imperial Order has conquered all of the New World except for the final fortress of D’Hara, Richard’s capital.  Richard must find Kahlan, find the Sisters of the Dark and the magic of Orden, and defeat the military forces of the Old World before magic, and life, are stamped out.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]

Phantom is the penultimate book in the epically long Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind.  The plot of the previous book, Chainfire, is continued and expanded upon in the tenth book of the series.

Phantom continues Richard’s search for his missing wife, Kahlan.  The Chainfire spell discovered in the previous book is still in effect, but Richard discovers that the spell form has been corrupted, as has all magic to some extent.  At the same time, Richard sees that the direct confrontation battles between the New World and the Old World are futile, since the Old World has supplies and troops far beyond those of the New World.  Richard orders his army to break into multiple, small armies, and sends them into the Old World to wreak havoc and destruction.  Meanwhile, Kahlan, having no memory of who she is, travels with the Sisters of the Dark to gather the items needed to cast an all-powerful magic that would give the Sisters immortality and unparalleled power.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]

With the ninth book, Chainfire, the Sword of Truth series starts the final story arc, that will continue through the final two books to the conclusion of the series.

Chainfire is the beginning of a trilogy of books that completes the Sword of Truth series.  After a battle, Richard awakes to find Kahlan gone.  Even more disturbing is that nobody seems to remember who Kahlan is, or that Richard was ever married.  It is as if Kahlan has been erased from the world without ever having existed.  While desperately trying to convince the others that Kahlan is real, he tirelessly searches for her and for the enemies that have taken her, setting a dark plan into motion.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]

Eighth in Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series, Naked Empire brings the regular characters back to the forefront in their continuing efforts to defeat the Imperial Order.

Naked Empire picks up right where The Pillars of Creation leaves off.  ”The Gang”, as I’ll be referring to the group of heroes from here on out, encounters an individual named Owen, who begs for their assistance.  He gets The Gang’s assistance by poisoning Richard, with the promise of an antidote once he has freed Owen’s people from the Imperial Order.  Richard soon finds out that the Bandakar (Owen’s people) are all pristinely ungifted, with no spark of magic, like his half-sister Jennsen.  He reasons that the Imperial Order’s motives for conquering the Bandakar, as out of the way as they are, are to use them as a weapon against magic, as magic has no effect on them.  Richard must find a way to expel the Imperial Order from Bandakar, and win the allegiance of the Bandakar people before his time runs out.

-[insert revolutionary thinking here]