Yesterday certain mother fuckers lit a fire under me over Twitter and now I get to properly express my true feelings to you – and not be restricted to 140 characters.

To Zut_Radio, where do you get off pointing the finger at others and thinking that you are so high and mighty? First off, you have the nerve to insult my intelligence yet you can’t even properly compose a sentence? Then after that you make ridiculous claims that I am all looks and that I will get nowhere in life. OK buddy. You tried to make yourself so mature in your posts and that your parenting skills were superior to mine yet after me only saying fuck twice you send me a direct message saying how you “dropped” me and how I need to think of the children over Twitter. Children don’t belong on Twitter and really don’t belong on the internet until they are much older. My daughter is not even 6 and her activities on the computer are limited. Why? Because of people like you, because of pedophiles, because of internet bullies, and I could go on and on listing reasons as to why children shouldn’t be on the internet – especially a site like Twitter.

Would you want your 6 year old on there only to have creepy old men following them? If the answer to that question is yes, then I feel sorry for your children for they are in the hands of a negligent parent. Would you want your 13 year old on Twitter? How about your 16 year old? Lets think about that for a minute. Around 16 they could become sexually active, which isn’t something I want for my daughter but that is besides the point. Have you seen some of the Myspace profiles a 16 year old has? How about some of the pictures? Imagine that on your beloved Twitter and then the MILLIONS of people who would have access to her. Mmmm… doesn’t that give you warm fuzzies?

Of course you could then say that it is up to the parent to monitor their child and then there could also be the argument that if the child is raised right that the parent should have none of these fears but the parent can’t control the people on the other side. On my Twitter I don’t mention my daughters name nor do I ever put up pictures of her because I am a good parent who is protecting my child. I don’t have any images of her on Facebook nor do I have any of her on my Myspace, again because I am a good parent.

I got a laugh at how you said you “tackled” me on the issue of using the word FUCK and that I didn’t like it. You didn’t tackle shit! All I got from you was a stupid DM and then you went on some rant thinking that it was making you look cool. Do you think anybody gives two shits as to what you think? NO!

Then… in which I thank you again for the laughter, you had one of your minions whom I have never seen in my life, send me messages in terrible English bashing me and saying how I am stupid, again that I am all looks and no brains (thanks by the way for making me out to be some supermodel with a below average intellect), how I don’t think of the children (look, I don’t claim to be kid friendly on my page nor should I), and I think at one point I was referred to as being both an ass and an asshole.

“@LindseySchaal He dropped U because U said Fing and that is not approrpiate in Twitter with children present ..U Dumb .Asshole !!!“

“@LindseySchaal And judging from your conversation with him ,.. U R STUPID as well …little knowledge about anything ..Looks but no brains !“

“@LindseySchaal Kindly Kiss My Ass …Thank U .“

Your statements towards me bash and slander me for using fuck yet using ass or asshole is kid friendly? Get the fuck out of here!

Also you later on send out a message asking people to re-tweet this statement:

“Folks: Please tell @LindseySchaal that children do have a right to tweeter just like adults . who made her the Twitter God ???“

Ok… I’m not like a majority of the voters here in California trying to take away the rights of others (Hi Prop 8, how’s it going?) but I am right in saying that they don’t belong on Twitter for the reasons I mentioned above. Also, if you wanted to further prove your point that you are smarter than myself, shouldn’t you have used the word Goddess instead of God? Seems gender appropriate, don’t you think?

I never claimed to be a God or Goddess of Twitter nor will I ever but again, I thank you for putting unnecessary words into my mouth.

Your plans of spreading your ignorance failed when only 3 people decided to lack critical thinking and further your absurd message. One of them, shockingly, was your little ZooYuku minion whom I dealt with personally. Of course that was what prompted the name calling and boy, it sure was nice getting treated like I was in middle school. Your maturity astounds me!

I wasn’t surprised to see that ZooYuku decided to share my messages to him/her/it nor was I surprised to see that he/she/it edited my remarks.

Originally I sent this:

“@ZooYuku First off, children have no place on Twitter so if their parents are allowing them on a site like this then it’s not my problem.“

“@ZooYuku Second, you are bashing my intelligence? How about learning proper grammar and spelling. When you learn that, then talk to me.“

“@ZooYuku Third, I can say whatever the hell I want. It is my Constitutional right as an American and if you can’t deal with that too bad!“

What was sent out to their list of so-called friends was this:

“Quote from @LindseySchaal @ZooYuku First off, children have no place on Twitter (and who said they had no place …Lindsey is an IDIOT !!!)“

Hmmm…. funny how the rest of what I said seemed to have disappeared.

“2nd Quote from @LindseySchaal @ZooYuku Third, I can say whatever the hell I want. It is my Constitutional right as an American (Guns 2 ,,)“

Interesting, my second comment seemed to be disregarded and then my third statement was again butchered. Also, what in the hell do guns have to do with this? I never made any comments about guns nor would I ever. I don’t give a shit about guns and I will never own one.

I was then flattered by you, Zut_Radio, when you decided to make a blog post on your ridiculous site trying to make yourself seem better than others.

Four Letter Words

“Zut Radio unfollowed 3 Twitters yesterday for using the Big Four Letter Word. Why is that such a Big Deal you ask – because Twitter is in all Time Zones and is used by All Ages. It is inappropriate to use the Big Four Letter Word!!!

Either the Tweeter has no children of their own (in which case it makes them insensitive to others) or they do have children (in which case it shows their stupidity). One can always make their point about something without using that word. Using that word just shows others one’s own breeding or rather, their lack of breeding.

Zut Radio will not follow such people and will block them from receiving Zut Radio broadcast. There is enough crap in this world without what many folks consider to be extreme profanity.”

(Some of you reading this will get a kick at how they were so tactful and used the term “breeding” like human beings are animals…. I however found it to be offensive yet it seemed appropriate for cretins like themselves)

Oh Zut, Zut, Zut…..your attempt to make yourself look cool on the  internet (because it IS serious business) only made you look like an even bigger ass. Oh noes! The BIG Four Letter Word! Is it like in Harry Potter when Voldemort is constantly referred to “He Who Shall Not Be Named”? Is that what’s going on here? Your capitalization skills make me truly shudder. I guess up in Halifax they don’t really teach proper English do they?

Choosing to use profanity doesn’t make the person insensitive if they haven’t had any children. It makes them a human being. I say what I want because I can like I stated earlier when I made a reference to my Constitutional rights being an American citizen (guns too I suppose… YEE HAW!).  Just because I have a daughter and because I make the conscious choice to use words like fuck, shit, bitch, piss, cunt, ass, and many others doesn’t make me a stupid person. I bet that you are the type of person who assumes that because I use words like that on the internet that I use those words around my child. You are highly incorrect with that assumption. I don’t even use damn, hell, crap, or any lesser forms of profanity around her because unlike yourself, who consciously chooses to use words like ass, asshole, and crap around these invisible Twitter children, I am not a fucking moron.

I hope for the sake of the world that you and your pathetic following have no children because people like you shouldn’t be allowed to spawn (sounds MUCH saucier than breeding, don’t you think?).

Also for those of you who have a problem with what I have to say, tough. I don’t force you to read what I have to say, I never forced you to come to this blog nor did I force you to follow me on Twitter. Hell, some of the people I follow talk about shit that I really don’t care for but you don’t see me acting like I’m 12 and un-following them. I have follow people who are highly conservative and bash my political beliefs on a constant basis, who throw their religion and their God in my face through tweets, and who make ignorant statements about homosexuals and their life choices. All of those people have a right to say whatever the fuck they want and while I don’t agree with 99.9% of what they have to say, when I have talked to them they have been great to converse with.

All in all, if you are going to be a hypocrite on the internet please do not associate yourselves with me because frankly I don’t want to have to deal with your stupidity.

Thank you,

- She Who Has The Last Word

P.S. – Thank you to @jonathandmiller for having a brain and saying this:

@ZooYuku, you should watch what you say. Seems to be you are badgering and threatening @LindseySchaal with violence. That is NOT acceptable!

I really appreciate it.

I mentioned in the blogs yesterday that Saturday was pretty eventful – in both good and bad ways.

Chris and I woke up a little bit before 10 and started off our day being bums. While he was out taking Donnie for a walk I made a phone call to make an appointment to get my hair cut. I know this might not sound exciting but I haven’t had it cut, or even trimmed, since November 2007. I was way overdue. The last time I did get it cut I got lightheaded in the ladys chair because I was nervous.

I have problems with anxiety so my mind loves screwing with me on a regular basis. Getting my haircut is a recent development. I used to not have a problem before but now I do.

After booking the appointment, which was for 3:30, I started making lunch for the two of us. I started to cook some strips of chicken breast in a pan. Right when they were almost done I noticed that I didn’t hear any sizzles coming from the pan. I cranked up the heat, added some more olive oil, and still heard nothing. At that point I assumed that the burner had gone out, which was correct, so I then put the pan on another burner because the chicken needed to be finished.

I then put that burner at almost high heat and waited a couple of minutes. Nothing happened. I was able to touch the burner with my bare hands and obviously my hands are fine because I am able to type this blog.

We were having company come over later on that evening for dinner and I was getting a bit freaked out that I wouldn’t be able to cook anything so I placed a call to our apartment maintenance man. While on the phone with him he had me check to see if maybe the fuse blew and everything looked perfectly fine. While I was in the shower he came and had to turn the connection off and will have to wait until Monday to come and fix it.

Apparently Donnie was going ape shit when the maintenance guy came over and Chris had to spend the entire time holding him back. Oh what a fierce protector!

After that we went to get my hair cut and nothing eventful happened there. When you really think about it, there is nothing too terribly exciting about somebody putting scissors next to your head and cutting something that is dead. There was this one guy who was there getting his hair trimmed and he was a total ass. Chris couldn’t even stand the guy. He was bragging about how he just got a ticket on the way there for speeding and how he has so many tickets. He claimed to have about 12 of them and I personally feel that he was full of shit. If he honestly had that many tickets his license would have been suspended, easily.

Chris and I were worried about dinner because our friends who were coming over were bringing pasta but you can’t really have a proper dinner with just pasta. My original plan was to make homemade meatballs, a salad, and then I was going to bake either cookies or a cake. With no oven or stoke I couldn’t very well accomplish those things so we headed off to Costco.

None of their pre-made entrees caught our eyes so we just got stuff for a salad and left. We then made a short stop at Vons to grab something for dessert and a freshly baked loaf of French bread.

Since we are still addicted to our Wii our apartment was a bit messy. While I was preparing what little food we could make, Chris was busy cleaning things up.

Our friends were supposed to get to our place at 7 and when 7 came around we were good to go. A little while later we looked at the clock and I saw that it was 7:20. Ok…. well maybe there is traffic. Instead of us standing around looking like a couple of goons, we turned on the Wii and played a little bit of Animal Crossing.

It was a few minutes before 8 when they finally showed up and I was starved by that point. The table was all set up and ready to go so we got right to business – stuffing our faces.

Recently my stomach has been pretty sensitive due to me having acid reflux so when I saw the pasta I knew that it would fuck my world up. I didn’t want to be rude so I had a little bit, and by a little bit I mean like 7 pieces. Even Chris said that it was a bit strong because as he was eating it, it started to burn the back of his throat and he has a cast iron stomach.

After dinner we had some dessert, talked a little bit, and then around 10:30 they left. Chris and I finally got into bed around 12:30 and fell asleep to the Food Network like we always do.

I typically set a sleep timer for 60 minutes but last night I set it to 80.

About 40 minutes into my sleep I was woken up by a horrible pain in my stomach and I knew what it was. A couple of times my stomach has acted up like that and it landed me in the emergency room. I was determined not to go there and to just tough it out. i stayed on my right side until I couldn’t take it anymore. From there I propped myself up on my pillows and just tried to force myself back to sleep.

Since my body loves me oh so much I got to enjoy not just the stomach pains but a migraine as well. After wanting to just die for about a half hour the pain in my stomach started to lessen but then I started to feel myself get lightheaded. 15 minutes later I shifted over to my right side and a little bit after that I knew I was going to get sick.

When I was sick about a month ago Chris put a large white plastic bowl next to my side of the bed. Being the tidy people that we are, the same bowl was there last night. On my way to the bathroom I grabbed the bowl because I didn’t want to puke all over myself while going pee. (I know, you can thank me for the graphic mental images later.)

So I sat on the porcelain god doing my business when all of a sudden I felt my stomach constrict. Totally glad that I had the bowl because I couldn’t stop myself from throwing up. The bowl was massive and I filled almost 1/4 of it. Since a majority of it was straight stomach acid it burned like a mother fucker coming up and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. Poor Chris heard me start to heave and he threw the covers off of him and raced into the bathroom to make sure I was fine.

After everything was OK and I knew that it was going to be all quiet on the Western front, we went back to bed only to hear our sorry excuse of a neighbor. If it wasn’t for the fact that I felt like somebody had beaten me with a baseball bat I would have gone over there and told them to knock it the hell off or I was going to call the cops. I was so over it at that point.

Thankfully I was able to fall back asleep and when I woke up this morning I was so, so, so sore throughout my entire abdominal region. Chris and I were going to try and meet Melyssa around 11ish at the local museum but that wasn’t an option this morning so, sorry Melyssa! Maybe next time?

Well now I am going to continue being a bum on the couch and get grumbled at by Donnie because I won’t let him on top of my chest or lap.

Hope you all have a great rest of the weekend!

- She Who Has The Last Word

Our dog Donnie finally came here with us earlier this week on Tuesday. The transition from him being solely outside to the apartment has been very smooth, and expensive.

Right around the time we got him last year we purchased a squeaky toy that looks just like a squirrel. Ty, the beanie baby company, makes them and has about 9 different ones to choose from – not all squirrels though.

The original one ended up getting abused so much that it’s ass got tore open exposing white cottony fluff everywhere. Obviously the toy was no longer safe and I didn’t have any needles or thread to stitch it back up. Instead, for months, Donnie had to make due with his other toys.

Tuesday night we went to PetSmart. We needed to purchase a kennel for him because he isn’t house trained. Last thing I want to do is wake up to shit and piss all over the carpet. That can’t make for a good morning. We also got him new water and food bowls, a separate doggy bed that he has yet to even touch, food, snackies, and I gave him the return of his squirly!

On Thursday I had the sliding glass door open along with the screen so that he could go in and out onto the patio as he pleased. At one point I tossed out Squirly because he loves to go and fetch him. For some reason Donnie didn’t recognize the difference between glass and the actual opening and ran full charge into the sliding door.

All I heard was BAM!!

The look on his face was priceless and he was obviously stunned. I couldn’t help but chuckle a litttle but I felt bad for him because I know that had to have hurt.

Friday morning I woke up and let him out of his kennel. I took him for his walk so that he could get out, get some fresh air, and the most important thing – do his potty business.

After that was all said and done I went to go and open up the blinds to let in the natural light and fresh air. I forgot that Squirly was still out on the patio and that was the first thing that Donnie saw. I’m pretty sure you all can guess what happened next…..

He bolted straight for him and SLAM! right into the door …. again.

Hopefully over the next few days we can get him to realize that door = bad.

Until then, I just hope that the poor little guy doesn’t knock his doggie brains out!

- She Who Has The Last Word

Yesterday, while playing Animal Crossing, Chris and I decided to check out the Married Gamers (Chris and Kelly) live podcast on Ustream. It was really entertaining and we found ourselves laughing a lot. Towards the end of their podcast they mentioned that they were going to get some lunch at Chick-Fil-A. Chris was in the kitchen getting ready to make lunch so I asked him if he would want to go and meet up with them. He basically said, “sure, why the hell not?” We sent out a message on both of our Twitter accounts, even telling @MsClovisEskimo (Melyssa) that she better get her buns there too, letting our fellow local followers know that they were more than welcome to join in the festivities.

When we got to Chick-Fil-A, Chris and I saw Dane (the guy we stood in line with for the Maynard wine signing) and chatted with him for a bit. Totally didn’t know that he worked there. So once everybody got there we ordered our food and sat down. Since we are slaves to the Twitter machine, all of us couldn’t help but keep checking our accounts every 3-5 minutes. Some of us were getting people saying how they were never invited (yet we CLEARLY sent out about 5 messages), some criticized our location choice, and then it seemed as if there was a mini rivalry going on. Some other local tweeters were having an impromptu meet up at the Fashion Fair Mall and I joked that we should totally go there with leather jackets and pull off some West Side Story number. Obviously that got a laugh.

Taken by @MsClovisEskimo

We had a pretty amazing conversation during our stay at Chick-Fil-A (did you get my clever rhyme? lol) which resulted in much laughter. I swear it felt like everybody in there was probably staring at us.

Dane kept coming around and was giving us strange looks but we were having a great time. We talked about the Tweet Up, laughed about stupid things I did when I was younger like shaking my ass out of a car window during my high school years to “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot, video games, more nerdy stuff, and then we came up with a great idea for another Tweet Up but I will not give out the details because it’s far too amazing to share right now. I guess it serves you right for not coming to our uber cool party!

Taken by @MsClovisEskimo

One thing that was amazing was a guy in a royal blue soccer jersey. We aren’t sure if it was one for a team or his own, but the poor unfortunate man had the last name of “KAKA” on his back. Upon seeing this we all immediately chuckled like a bunch of school children, and then reached for our phones to take a picture. Oh, the age of technology!

Here is Exhibit A:

Chris took this wonderful picture. Since he sat down before we could get a great angle, Chris got up and asked for more water up at the front and on his way back took the shot. It was a wee bit obvious but I guess it was a good thing that he had his back turned towards him! After Chris put it up, I retweeted it, Chris and Kelly retweeted it, and then Melyssa retweeted it. Then a guy on my list retweeted my retweet of a tweet! Currently that one image has gotten more than 102 views! HOORAY FOR KAKA!

Another thing that made us laugh at was when Dane came around and asked what Twitter was. We weren’t laughing at him, I just want to clarify that. We were laughing at the fact that we probably made the site seem so overly interesting since we were talking about it and having a grand ol’ time. At one point we looked at our phones and noticed it was after 6 PM. We spent over 3 hours inside Chick-Fil-A and it was fantastic.

From there we went to Cali’s Frozen Custard which is in the old Java Jet right next to Chili’s off of Fresno and Herndon before we all went to Best Buy. Melyssa was following behind us and Chris neglected to let her know that his turn signal lights weren’t working (we have to fix the fuse). Since we also failed to get phone numbers and needed to ask which Best Buy everybody wanted to go to, we got on Twitter and asked it lol! The obvious choice was the one in River Park since it was the closest to our custard location. Chris and I were the first in line for the drive thru so once we got our tasty treats we waited for everybody else.

Back of our car taken by @MsClovisEskimo

We literally looked like a caravan, driving around in a line, and when we got to Best Buy we even parked near each other.

Right at the entrance of Best Buy they had this sign which I must say is pretty hardcore of them:

Taken by ME!!!

Inside Best Buy we were given a rare treat. Chris and I are looking at upgrading our equipment we use for our show on UStream so the webcam department was our first of many stops in the store. Some of the employees were there restocking the shelves when I caught a glimpse of something ridiculous. I was standing there with Melyssa when it walked on by and I gave her this look like “I totally hope you saw that too!” Of course she did and then the laughter started up again. We immediately let everybody else in our group of awesomeness know and then they too joined in with the giggles.

Taken by @MsClovisEskimo

We were laughing at this guy who was blonde, pretty pale, and rather lanky. That wasn’t the funny part. In both of his ears, which were pierced in the lobe, were HUGE crowns covered in little sparkly fake diamonds. These were the sort of things little girls would wear when playing dress up, and would hopefully be clip-ons. He looked so incredibly ridiculous and of course the first thing we all wanted to do was take a picture and put it up on TwitPic for everybody to see. Since he was walking by too quickly it became obvious that somebody would have to ask him if they could take a picture of him.

I’m the type of person who will pretty much go up to anybody and ask a stupid question (and yet I will die at the sight of Maynard lol) so I was the one who stepped into the battlefield. I took my engagement ring off and handed it to Chris, put my left hand into my pocket so that he couldn’t see the ring indentation on my finger, and started walking up to him. At first I tried to make it like I was just looking at my phone but I knew it wouldn’t work. Knowing that I would have to actually ask him to get a proper angle with no blur my conversation with him went like this (oh… in front of another co-worker too)

“Do you mind if I take your picture? I think you’re really pretty.”

After that he sort of gave me this odd look, which was understandable, and then I replied with this:

“In a manly kind of way.”

I wasn’t surprised when he gave me this reply:

“Yes, I mind.”

So I said OK and walked away only to then burst in laughter about 10 feet away from him. I told everybody what happened and then they too started to laugh their asses off. Since we all then started feeling a bit uncomfortable around the guy, who started to sneer at us a wee bit, we walked away from that department and go to look at the Wii games. Chris and Kelly were on the hunt for Mario Kart but Best Buy failed them and were sold out. From there we checked out some sound boards and mics.

After that we noticed that it was dinner time! Keeping our Twitter mojo going, we let everybody on our lists know that we were going to Red Robin for dinner and that people could join us. When walking out of Best Buy we cracked a joke at how we were walking around the store in a group of 2 guys and 3 girls, that we probably looked like a mob, and how we should get custom shirts with our Twitter names on them. (BTW… if ANYBODY does this before we do that will be totally uncool because it was our idea first! :p)

At Red Robin everybody and their mom was having a birthday, or so it seemed. Almost every 10 minutes a huge group of employees were coming around clapping and chanting some horrible song. Since we didn’t want to feel left out we decided that we were going to LIE and say that it was somebody’s birthday in our group. We then asked who would be having the next birthday and it was Kelly (@MrsLeftyBrown)!! Since everybody hates us and is jealous of our super cool fun group, nobody came and met up with us at Red Robin but we had tons of fun without them. I had an embarrassing picture taken of me with a giant piece of melted Swiss Cheese coming out of my mouth since it was still attached to my turkey burger.

Taken by @MsClovisEskimo

Taken by ME!!!

Taken by ME!!!

Taken by ME!!!

We laughed some more about random stuff, and then after we got our checks I whispered something to the waitress. I told her that it was Kellys birthday and about 5 minutes later she was totally embarrassed – oh and I totally got a picture of it too!

Exhibit B!!!! :

Taken by ME!!!

After that we disbanded and went back to our own houses, but since yesterday was my only day I could sell my red turnip in Animal Crossing and since my store was closed due to Tom Nook renovating it I had to go into Kellys town so there we met up again! I totally got 16,000 bells out of it so it was soooooo worth it!

Hopefully we have a little get together again soon because it was a blasty blast! Chris and I might, and I do stress the word MIGHT, be going to the Wondercon this upcoming weekend in San Francisco and we know that Chris (not my sweetie) and Kelly are already going. Maybe San Francisco debauchery is in order!!

- She Who Has The Last Word

So last Friday was our 8th episode. Crazy to think that we have been doing our MehCasts for about 2 months now but it’s been great. Prior to the show we were at the local Tweet Up that I mentioned in a recent blog. We were originally going to try and air the show from the event but since we have ghetto equipment there would have been no way we could have cancelled out the background noise. Our viewers probably wouldn’t have been able to hear us which would have defeated the entire purpose of the show.

Instead Chris and I went to the event to have a little bit of fun, and then rushed like crazy people across town so that we could get set up and have everything running by 7. Since our lives are filled with WIN (please detect the obvious sarcasm) we had loads of tech issues which resulted in our show starting about 7 minutes late. Sorry guys.

On the show we did talk about the Tweet Up, how I totally blew it when meeting Maynard (see prior post and laugh at my misfortune), how Disney is releasing the original X-Men cartoon on DVD (finally!!), our Wii addiction, and then talked about random stuff like how Limp Bizkit (God help us) is getting back together and touring.

Some sad things were discussed like how Nine Inch Nails might be no more after this years tour with Janes Addiction. James Iha, of Smashing Pumpkin fame, is supposedly creating a “super group” with Taylor Hanson (yes…. Hanson), a guy from Cheap Trick, and some other guy that I can’t remember right now. I think the only thing remotely close to “super” in that group is James Iha but whatever. What do I know.

Now our Weekly picks:

Song of the Week (chris) – Eulogy by Tool

Song of the Week (lindsey) – Maynards Dick by Tool

TV show of the Week (chris) – The Original X-Men Cartoon

TV show of the Week (lindsey) -Throwdown with Bobby Flay

Movie of the Week (chris) -Knocked Up

Movie of the Week (lindsey) – Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Juice In The Hood

Thanks again for checking out our MehCast and remember that if you can’t make it, we do record it!

Episode discussion at:

http://worldofmeh.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=26

- She Who Has The Last Word

In an earlier blog posted about a week and a half back my terrible H&R Block story was told. Some of you might remember the ordeal I had to go through just to file my taxes and some of you might not. Basically I went through a bunch of bull just to file simple taxes and got the run around at 2 different locations.

I e-filed my taxes on the 7th and was told that I would get my return, which is a very nice and hefty sum, direct deposited into my checking account in 8-15 days. I was hoping for 8 because I am a very impatient person, especially when it comes to money. The guy who did my taxes told me about the ability to check when I’d get my return on the IRS website so I did – many times. I must have checked that website so much that it was like I had OCD.

Monday the 9th had nothing to report, the 10th had nothing, but then on the 11th I was told that they had just gotten my information and that I should expect my return by the 24th.

THE 24TH!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!

By e-filing one would assume that they would get my information immediately and not 4 days later. I realize that they probably didn’t get anything on Sunday, but that still gave the rest of Saturday as well as all day Monday and Tuesday for them to get the ball rolling.

Chris tried telling me that I would probably get paid on a Friday since that was when he got his so I waited patiently until the 13th for a miracle. I logged into my online banking and saw nothing. I then checked on Saturday the 14th hoping that maybe on Valentines Day I would get my money and found nothing.

At that point I was starting to get pretty peeved. I just wanted my damn money! There were things that I needed to do with my money like put down deposits for our wedding so it’s pretty important for me to get this.

Monday rolled around and again I was disappointed. Throughout every single day of this past week I have checked my bank account only to be let down. As each day went by I kept in mind that maybe on the upcoming Friday, the 20th, I would finally get what’s rightfully mine. I even had it all planned out. If I got my money on Friday I would make an appointment to get my hair cut, since I haven’t had one since November of 2007, we would go to Target and get some much needed things for our new apartment, go to Costco for some more things, start paying bills, and then put down wedding deposits.

During Thursday night going into Friday morning I had a dream that I went onto my online banking through my iPhone. In the dream I saw that my deposit hadn’t came in. Normally when I have dreams like that they come true. I’m not trying to say that I’m some psychic or that I can predict the future because that would just be silly, but hey…. it has happened on more than one occasion. When I did eventually wake up the first thing I did was check my bank account. Guess what I saw??

NOTHING!!!

After that I checked my email and saw that around 6:30 in the morning I had gotten a message from H&R saying how my deposit has been sent and that depending on how my bank handles things, it could be an additional 1-5 days. So not cool!

All day yesterday I kept checking my bank account thinking that maybe at some random time the funds would come through. Hell, I’ve even checked today 3 times and I still want my goddamn money!

So needless to say, my plans for today are going to have to be put on hold. We aren’t going anywhere today but at least we have our Wii to keep us company. I will try my best to be patient because it is the IRS and they can fuck my world up… but I issue this statement to them:

I WANT MY MONEY NOW BITCHES!!!!

*ahem*  Thank you….

- She Who Has The Last Word

Wednesday night, I went on a fishing bonanza, filling my Animal Crossing house with fish to sell the next day in one big selling run.  Last night, a little while after I got home, I made my sales, getting myself up to over 85,000 bells (Animal Crossing currency), a hefty sum indeed.  I continued fishing, wanting to break the 100,000 mark, when I came across one of my town’s residents.  Francine, a rabbit, flagged me down to chat.  I took a break from fishing to see what she wanted.  She had a Sea Butterfly!  A Sea Butterfly is a tiny little fish that sells for 1,000 bells (a good price for something so small).  She asked if I would be interested in buying it and how much I would be willing to pay, which is followed by a vertical slider ranging from “Nothing” to “All of my money”.  I would hardly be willing to pay more than I could sell it for, obviously, so I moved the slider down near the Nothing (but not on the Nothing) option and continue the conversation.  She responded to my offer with:

“So 6,500 bells sounds about right?  Great!”

And suddenly, I find myself handing over 6,500 bells for a little Sea Butterfly.  I didn’t have an option to reject her ridiculous asking price.  I was forced into a purchase that lost me over 5,000 bells.  Needless to say, I was pretty pissed at that gameplay element, so I put in Mario Kart.

I fucking rule at Mario Kart.

-Because I said so

On last weeks show I mentioned the amazing arrival of Maynard James Keenan to Fresno. For those of you who have been living under a rock, MJK is the lead singer of TOOL, A Perfect Circle, and Puscifer. The man is a God. I’ve seen TOOL in concert 3 times over the past 10 years, and have been a huge fan for as long as I can remember.

Let me tell you how insane I get over this man.

Back when I was 15…almost 16, I heard over the local radio station KRZR that TOOL was coming to Fresno. This was back in 98 and it was the show held at Fresno State. After I heard the radio announcer I fled out of my bedroom shrieking like a banshee heading towards my mother who was in the kitchen at the stove cooking something (obviously). I was so excited and amped up that when I reached her I grabbed at her. Instead of getting a grasp on her arm, I got her disgustingly bright neon lime green shirt. This shirt had been around since the 80′s and makes me get the Flashdance theme song in my head right now just even mentioning it. Anyways…. I had forgotten just how freaked out I was and the next thing I heard between my insane ranting was RRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! I ripped her shirt with my beastly TOOL induced strength.

At that concert I almost had my nose broken, passed out for who knows how long from hyperventilating, and cried when they played “Pushit.”

The second time I saw them was in July 2002 down in Bakersfield for their Lateralus album tour. Again, they were so fantastic but there was no passing out, no risk of bone breakages, and unfortunately they didn’t play “Pushit” so no tears were shed.

In 2003 while in labor with my daughter I brought my DiscMan and while waiting for the fun pushing part (please detect the sarcasm) I did listen to a bit of TOOL and it was very helpful. Maynards voice could calm a pack of rabid and starving lions.

The third time I saw them in concert was in August 2006 for their 10,000 Days album tour. I had the pleasure of going with a friend of mine who had never seen them in concert before so he was a wee little virgin. Peter (that’s his name) drove all the way from Palo Alto for the show here in Fresno at Selland Arena and we had a blast. Both of us lost our voices for a couple of days because we were screaming out the songs.

All of these events lead me to where we are now.

Late last year Chris had mentioned to me that Maynard was going to tour some Whole Foods in promotion of his wine that he runs from Arizona. I thought I was going to have a heart attack until we saw that Fresno wasn’t on the list.

Last week Chris was on his way home from work when he sends me a text message alerting me that Maynard was indeed coming here and for me to look it up on the internet for day, time, and specifics. At the time I was on the phone with this super nice lady from Oregon State University because I was inquiring about their online Political Science program. It took all that I could to not get hysterical on the poor woman but I pulled it off. During the conversation I did look it up and texted with Chris a bit while the excitement was starting to build up inside my body. After getting off the phone with her I immediately called my Mom and left her the most pathetic/disturbing voicemail she has probably ever received.

I first started off saying “Oh my God! Oh my God! OH MY GOD!” In between the “oh mys” you could clearly hear me breathing. I proceeded to tell her everything but I all of a sudden started bursting into tears. I was so emotional and crazed that my throat started closing off and I couldn’t get out any words. The end of the message was me squeaking out that I had to go since well… I obviously couldn’t say a word! Chris and I were to go somewhere (I can’t remember right now where to save my life) and I got so messed up making that voicemail that I had to fix and reapply my makeup.

Ever since I found out that Maynard was coming here I kept calm. Every once in awhile I would get hella stoked but I was doing my best to stay calm so that I wouldn’t get anxious and maybe have a panic attack (I have a history of getting those). Then a bit of fear struck me that maybe I would freak out and possibly pass out  in front of the man that I have wanted to meet for over 10 years. I knew that all of it was going to boil down to a battle of wits and emotion since the odds of me crying were against me. My Mom was convinced that I would break down into a massive downpour of tears and I didn’t blame her. I was convinced I would too but I was going to do my best to not become “one of those.” By “one of those” I mean stupid girls that you would find at a Jonas Brothers concert.

On Tuesday, the day of his arrival, I woke up early because I couldn’t sleep. I believe I woke up around 7:45 which is way earlier than I usually do. At 8 Whole Foods started handing out tickets that would hold your place in line so after getting ready and driving there we arrived around 8:30. When we got there we saw this HUGE sign with a list of what we couldn’t do. I already had it in my head that I was going to take a massive amount of pictures. Not only for you guys and for this blog, but for myself because I would really want to remember this day. Chris even came up with the idea of maybe bringing one of my ticket stubs for him to sign in which I thought that was a really good idea. I had questions in my head that I was thinking about asking such as: “What is your favorite book?” and “What is your favorite video game?” I even laughed at how I would probably pull a Butthead and ask some stupid question. On the big board of NO I saw that no cell phones were allowed (not making this up), no cameras, no bags, no large purses, no coats (I know… it was raining, cold outside and it’s February but no coats. What the fuck ever.), that no other items besides wine bottles would be signed, and a bunch of other bullshit that I didn’t read.

Chris and I got our tickets and we were 108 and 109. Lucky bastard pulled the 108 lol. We went back home and vegged out on our Wii until we went back around 2 so that we could get in line. We were told that was the time they were going to start selling the wine. When we got back to Whole Foods we were told that it was actually at 3:30 so we went and got some lunch at the nearby Apple Bees.

Back in the waiting area we were told that we would be put in groups of 20, us being in 100-120 (obviously). While standing there we talked to some pretty cool people. One guy got to go as part of the first group so we didn’t get his name, then there was this dude named Dane who was super cool. We talked with him for a long time about various stuff and we even gave him the blog URL so Dane… if you are reading this hellloooo and I hope you enjoyed that day as much as we did. When we got into our little group to go get the wine we had this really nice woman named (I think… if I remember) Christy. She had seen TOOL almost 20 times and she was great to talk to. There weren’t a lot of women there and the ones that were there would have given my daughter nightmares for sure. Christy wasn’t one of them. If you saw her walking down the street you would have assumed she was into stuff like Dave Matthews or something (not that there is anything wrong with Dave Matthews…but I used him for the sake of creating an image).

Up to this point I was still really calm. Every once in awhile I got a little flutter of excitement but I was doing well. Chris and I had already picked out which wines we were going to get so when we got inside Whole Foods we were ready. After going through the checkout we had to stand and wait for the remaining members of our group to finish up with their purchases. Around this time I was starting to need to fidget to help with the nervous energy that was starting to build up inside of me but I was still good.

We then were escorted by a guy to the end of the shopping area where Sharper Image used to be and there was a short line there. The line went inside one of the empty building suites where Maynard was with his wine partner. I tried to get a peek but they were behind tall black drapes. Total bummer. Standing in that line really started to mess with me because to know that somebody you think is fucking amazing is only behind some flimsy curtain can be really exciting and crazy at the same time.

Since people were still being douches about what we could and couldn’t bring with us, before entering that room we had to take off our coats. I had a sleeveless shirt on underneath a woven sweater jacket and I still had to take that off. People were having to take off hoodies, pull over sweat shirts… it was incredibly ridiculous.

When we got inside the room we only had like 3 others in front of us and I could hear his voice as he was talking to a guy. I got this incredible flutter in my stomach and knew that I was in trouble. As we inched closer to our time with him I made one vital mistake: I peeked. I PEEKED!!!

What in the FUCK was I thinking?!?!?!?!??!?!

This entire time I had been perfectly fine and then I blew it by getting a peek of him for not even 20 seconds. As soon as I leaned back to my position I immediately knew it was all over. Teary, weepy me was about to emerge and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I turned my head upwards to look at the pipes in the ceiling and I even asked Chris to give me something to think about. Him, being clever as always, told me to think about the little squirrel we saw the other day that was flattened and ran over on this road.

Thanks for that Sweetie. It was great.

Then it was our time.

My time to stand in front of Maynard.

I know that some of you reading this probably think that I need professional help but haven’t you all had somebody that if you met them you would be completely over the moon? Even if they were fictional like a super hero they still count.

As soon as I took the steps closer to the table him and dude (yeah… he was so important I obviously remembered his name lol) were at I really started to weep like a damn baby. Maynard was so sweet though and he joked with Chris about it.

Maynard: “What did you do to her man?”

Chris: “What?”

Maynard: “What did you do to her? She’s crying.”

I know that it’s hard to get the tone through text but he was being cute about it. He then asked if Chris had hit me (maybe he had seen in the news about fucking broke ass Chris Brown beating up on a certain lady) and if he should have the police man who was to the left come over. I did laugh at that. Chris did make me look like a goof by saying that I was crying due to this making my life (which is true but why would you admit that? sheesh!!)

Then things got worse… at least for me and my weepage. I then heard a combination of words that I thought I would never hear from that mans mouth:  “You look pretty today.”

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!

So here I am… in front of him and then I get to hear this? If it wasn’t for the fact that I enjoy living and have a lot that I am looking forward to, I could have dropped dead right then and there and been pretty cool with it. Hearing those words made me want to cry even more and I was able to squeak out the words “Thank you” to him. After that our time was up and then we left to get my coat and umbrella out from their little holding area.

As I was walking out there was another woman there who said that she was probably going to do the same thing (which, very selfishly, I admit that made me feel not so bad) but when I got to where my stuff was I felt like an ass because of the dude that was there working the event. I heard “Finally! Some passion!” directed towards me. Random dude was so nice to inform me that I was the first crier of the day.

Oh fucking joy to the world.

So… I’m sorry that I didn’t get you guys pictures, sorry that I didn’t get to ask any questions because I EPICALLY FAILED, and sorry to myself for being an ass.

On the show we will show you guys the bottles of signed wine and since Chris and I don’t drink, if you happen to buy a bottle and try it let us know what you thought of it.

- She Who Has The Last Word

So about a week ago I got my W2 in from my former job and got giddy. In all of my years filing taxes I have always gotten a return. A very nice return if I say so, but a lot of it comes from Earned Income Credit and the Child Tax Credit from my daughter. Anyways I was told that because now I own my own business, it would help if I were to go to a CPA because they could help me get the best return possible. I called a recommended local guy earlier last week and he was telling me all of this stuff to get and how I should total everything up before I got there so that him and I don’t have to go through paperwork. Now while this might seem like a smart idea to some it doesn’t sit too well with me. If I am doing all of this work on my own then why don’t I just do the taxes my own damn self? Isn’t that what we pay them for?

Since Chris and I will be using our returns on putting deposits down with wedding vendors I asked the guy how long it would take for everything to be processed etc. I was informed that we don’t actually go through the paper work during our meeting and that he gives the information off to some other dude in the office and that it takes about a week to then go and file. After that it would be an additional 8 to 15 days for me to get my direct deposit tax return. I am an impatient person and I want my money ASAP. I then asked what his fees were and I was told that it would be 300 and that it couldn’t be taken out of my return so it had to be upfront.

300 buck up front! Sheesh!

When I was at my meeting last Wednesday my Director, Lori, told me that since I started so late in the year that going to H&R would be fine for me because of how little paperwork I have accumulated so far. Cool! H&R……

I’ve had my taxes done by them for awhile now and I even did them by myself last year online (I tried that this year and knew that if I did try with all the extra stuff that I would have screwed up and probably have been audited. No bueno.)

So yesterday I tell Chris that we should probably go to file my taxes today and he says OK. I start getting my papers together and start adding stuff up. Once I was done with that it was already about 11:30 in the morning. I looked on Google Maps the closest location and gave it a call. I was told that the earliest appointment could be at 2 but I asked if I could come in earlier since we had a lot of errands to run that day. I wasn’t fibbing about that either. We did have a lot to do.

Ok.. 1 o clock appointment with some lady whose name I can’t even begin to spell. We got there at 12:30 and I went in checking to see if maybe I could be seen early. I was told that the lady was scheduled to start her shift at 1 o clock so Chris and I went across the street and got some drinks at Starbucks, went and filled up his tank with gas, and after all of that it was around 12:50. I go back inside thinking that maybe this person is normal and gets to their shifts early, but alas I was wrong.

1 o clock came around and nobody was to be found. Instead Chris and I got the chance to sit on some rather uncomfortable chairs for a long time. After awhile I asked Chris what time it was and he let me know that it was about 15 after 1. 15 minutes late to their own job and 15 minutes late for my appointment. Seriously. At 1:20 I see some grotesquely dressed woman come through the front door. I turned to Chris and said “Watch that be her.”

10 minutes later we were at 1:30 and I finally had it. I went up to the front desk thingy and asked this lady how much longer it would be. She went back to check and told me that she was almost ready for me. No… she wasn’t. She had her pink thingy wrapped around her, was holding her purse in her hand, and was jibber jabbering with another girl that worked there.

I then told the lady that I was going to leave. Since the people there work on a commission of some sort she asked if I was sure since she was ready. I didn’t want to be rude but I was getting cranky and I really hate waiting. I was about as nice as I could be and I said: “I know this isn’t your fault, but I don’t feel confident having my taxes done by somebody who can’t show up on time to their own shift.” She understood and went to check and see if there was somebody else who could see me.

When she came back out she was accompanied with an elderly man who was really nice. Poor guy was eating lunch and I told him not to worry about it. I love food and won’t dare interupt somebody enjoying their tasty spoils. He said that he had availability at 3 o clock but it was too late for me. I wanted my stuff done already! He then asked about next weekend but I told him that we need the returns ASAP for wedding purposes. The front desk lady checked some of the other H&R Block locations in the area and told me that if I was to go to one right up the street that I could be seen right away.

Right away…..

We drive there and I saw only 4 work stations. 2 were occupied and the other 2 lacked an employee. A lady who was with clients came up and asked if I needed anything and I told her that I needed my taxes to be done. She informed me that she had just started with a couple and would see how far along the other person was. She came back to me only to say that he or she too had just started so it would be about an hour or so to wait.

To wait….

My patience at this point is already shot. It was after 2 and I should have had my taxes filed at this point. I then called ANOTHER location and this is how it started….

I was at first told that the soonest appointment could be at 5 but then was told that if I had all of my paperwork ready that I could be seen right away depending on how long it would take for me to get there. Chris and I were already on the road so we turned around with the quickness because I was on a mission at this point.

After we got to the location off of Herndon and Fowler everything was fantastic. I didn’t have to wait, the guy was nice… hell, everybody was nice. They even found ways to make my costs to them cheaper. They saved me money and found ways to get me a bigger return!

The main lady that was working there, not too sure if she was a manager or not, asked me about what had happened so I told her everything and she let me know that she would be talking with the manager of that location about what had happened and would make sure that the “Oh I’m so late” lady would be taken care of. I know that made it sound like the Mafia would be called on her, but I highly doubt she is going to wake up tomorrow with a horses head in her bed. At most she will have some disciplinary action taken against her.

My return came to $3,900 and I was pleased as punch.

Now I get to do this all over again next year! YAY!

- She Who Has The Last Word

So last night after the MehCast, Chris and I were hungry however we didn’t feel like cooking. After a long debate over random fast food places in the area I decided that I really wanted chicken. The closest place to us was El Pollo Loco.

I’ve been there before and have liked what I’ve had so far which made it an easy choice for me. I was craving flan and knew that I wanted a nice, juicy chicken breast. Maybe a leg too. Chris made a remark about how it would be so hilarious if they were closed. Me, being hungry, didn’t find it too amusing. After that, our evening hit a low note.

We went into the drive thru and Chris asked what I wanted. I told him to check to see if instead of a breast and wing, if I could have a breast and a leg. I also wanted my sides to be the refried beans and macaroni and cheese. Obviously I wanted the flan too. It’s so good!

At this point I am really into what I am about to have for dinner. One would even go so far to say that I was excited. Knowing my luck, I really shouldn’t get excited about anything nor should I look forward to anything because things tend to go sour.

Chris tells the lady behind the squawk box that I would like to know about the chicken boobage and leg combo. I then hear a sentence I thought I would never hear:

“Sir, we are out of chicken.”

Chris replies with, “What?”

“Yes, we are out of chicken for the evening.”

Chris: “For everything?”

“No sir, we have chicken for burritos, tacos and salads but not the roasted chicken.”

NO CHICKEN! THE PLACE ONLY SERVES CHICKEN! How in the hell can they call themselves “the crazy chicken” when they lack the product that they advertise!?!?!?!?!?

Being incredibly disappointed, I tell Chris that I no longer want anything there and we left, hanging our heads low.

For those of you wondering what we did end up having, we went to Farmers Boy’s Burgers that was in the same shopping center. Chris really enjoyed his burger mainly because the bacon was so crispy but my sandwich had way too much mayo so it was just meh.

Damn El Pollo Loco fucked my world up. Bastards.

- She Who Has The Last Word